


I Love You a Latte!

by reylofics



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Australia, Friendship, Jokes, Love, M/M, Modern Era, Puns & Word Play, Strangers, Strangers to Lovers, Texting, one direction - Freeform, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 28,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylofics/pseuds/reylofics
Summary: A story where Luke Hemmings randomly texts Ashton Irwin over Kik and the rest of their story unfolds rather quickly.Wattpad link:https://www.wattpad.com/story/154215977-i-love-you-a-latte





	1. Fine-Apple

**Author's Note:**

> I’m writing this on Wattpad so if you noticed the same exact story on there, that’s me! As I write the story over there, I will try my best to transfer the updated version of the story as soon as possible onto this platform for ao3 readers to look at. Unfortunately, though, the pictures that are on Wattpad won’t be showing up on here because that would take way too long for me to transfer every single picture onto here. I will post the link to the Wattpad version of the story, for you guys to see if you’d like, though. Thanks for being patient with me, especially since I’ve been gone for so long! <3 xx
> 
> However, before I begin, here’s the introduction to the story that I wrote on Wattpad: In terms of age, I'd say they're all around the start of their 20's in the story.
> 
> Oh, before I forget—quick shoutout to @Larry_Lashton (on Wattpad. She’s also known as @MinnieLaceHaz on ao3) for inspiring me to write this story. She probably won't see this because she's super popular (or so I've heard) on Wattpad but, nonetheless, I still wanted to provide the shoutout.

luke_is_a_penguin: if u were a fruit, u would be a fine apple :p

ashton.wins: What???

luke_is_a_penguin: i said

luke_is_a_penguin: if u were a fruit, u would be a FINE APPLE ;))

ashton.wins: I know but...I don't know you.

luke_is_a_penguin: idk u either but ur hot

luke_is_a_penguin: or ur profile pic is hot. i hope ur not a 60 yr old catfish ://

ashton.wins: Thanks, but I'm straight.

luke_is_a_penguin: so is spaghetti until u put it in water

ashton.wins: Luke, right? I'm straight.

ashton.wins: Don't get me wrong, I totally support the LGBTQ+ community tho!

luke_is_a_penguin: r u fucking kidding me

luke_is_a_penguin: idk whether 2 be happy that u said my name or sad bc ur "straight"

luke_is_a_penguin: bleh all the hot guys are always straight

ashton.wins: Sorry?

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm gay so the fact that ur rejecting me is homophobic soz 

ashton.wins: I'm not homophobic!!!

ashton.wins: It's really hard to take you seriously when your username is lukeisapenguin. Soz.

luke_is_a_penguin: ok one) i made the username when i was 11 so fuck u

luke_is_a_penguin: n 2) i was joking b4 lol chill m8

ashton.wins: Did you really just say lol chill m8...are you sure you're not still 11?

luke_is_a_penguin: does this look 11 to u  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: Which one are you?

luke_is_a_penguin: the hot one duh

ashton.wins: The one on the left looks slightly attractive? If I were a girl, that is.

luke_is_a_penguin: that's my friend calum :((

ashton.wins: So you're the one on the right? You look 11.

luke_is_a_penguin: how tf do i look 11

ashton.wins: You're wearing...clout goggles.

luke_is_a_penguin: they're cool ffs

luke_is_a_penguin: damn i only just met u n ur already being a bum 

luke_is_a_penguin: wow i'm considering just leaving this conversation n ghosting u 

ashton.wins: It's not ghosting if you tell me that you're leaving.

luke_is_a_penguin: OMG

luke_is_a_penguin: O M G

ashton.wins: Yeah?

luke_is_a_penguin: ur like a ghost 

ashton.wins: Because I'm dead inside?

luke_is_a_penguin: nooooo bc ur drop dead gorgeous :))

ashton.wins: That was...cute.

ashton.wins: If I was a girl, I would be blushing like mad right now.

luke_is_a_penguin: well ur not a girl n i'm gay so

luke_is_a_penguin: jus accept the compliment u bloody bastard

ashton.wins: Okay, compliment accepted.

ashton.wins: See, I'm not such a tight prick all the time.

luke_is_a_penguin: oh i bet ur actually pretty tight

ashton.wins: Huh?

luke_is_a_penguin: nothing...

luke_is_a_penguin: ...anyways wanna send a pic of urself so ik ur not a 60 yr old catfish?

ashton.wins: What do I get out of this?

luke_is_a_penguin: satisfaction of knowing that someone's wanking to your picture 2nite ;)

ashton.wins: No!

luke_is_a_penguin: pls babe

ashton.wins: I'm not letting some stranger wank to my picture!

luke_is_a_penguin: A S H T O N  
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: PL EA SE

ashton.wins: N O !

luke_is_a_penguin: bro pls

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm pretending to be straight 4 u B R O CMON

luke_is_a_penguin: send a BRO selfie or ur a pussy

ashton.wins: Wow, you really know how to get a guy to send you a selfie.

luke_is_a_penguin: okok i promise i won't wank 2 ur pic :(

ashton.wins: Not sure if I believe you.

luke_is_a_penguin: this is homophobic behavior

ashton.wins: ...

ashton.wins: Alright, I'll send ONE picture of myself. Don't judge.  
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: ...that's me

luke_is_a_penguin: OMIGOD ASHTON U HAVEMYPICTURESVAEDINYOURPHOEN APSJSOSSOIS

luke_is_a_penguin: "straight"

ashton.wins: ...Sorry, don't know how that happened. Must've accidentally copy and pasted your picture. I promise I don't have your picture saved.

luke_is_a_penguin: alright sure b r o

ashton.wins: ...Here's the actual picture.  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: wow ur so fuckable

luke_is_a_penguin: also u look gay soz

ashton.wins: Is that supposed to be an insult? I might not be gay but I'll have you know that I don't tolerate that type of behavior...

ashton.wins: I have a block button, Luke. Just saying.

luke_is_a_penguin: first off i'm gay lol wUT

luke_is_a_penguin: second it's not a insult u jus look gay idk and i really want 2 fuck u

luke_is_a_penguin: soz that last part was autocorrect 

ashton.wins: That came out of nowhere.

luke_is_a_penguin: just like...nvm

luke_is_a_penguin: hey anyways ur a nerd right

ashton.wins: I don't know why you would think that but go ahead with whatever you're about to say...

luke_is_a_penguin: u made out of copper and tellurium? bc ur (look up the elements on the period chart or whatever it's called)

ashton.wins: Ok.

-

luke_is_a_penguin: ASHTON WHERE R U

luke_is_a_penguin: lol scooby doo where r u

luke_is_a_penguin: k but seriously it's been like 5 mins

luke_is_a_penguin: u can't seriously be over this convo already? thot we were becoming friends :(((

ashton.wins: I went to the bathroom and looked up the elements. Luke, you need to chill.

luke_is_a_penguin: soooooooooooooooooooooooo what do the elements spell? ;)

ashton.wins: CuTe. You think I'm cute?

luke_is_a_penguin: duh lmao thot we already established dis

ashton.wins: Thanks.

ashton.wins: I have something to confess.

luke_is_a_penguin: spill the tea while it's scalding hot shistar

ashton.wins: I feel guilty for not sharing this earlier. If I show you a picture, will you promise not to freak out?

luke_is_a_penguin: i hope it's your dick but yea 

luke_is_a_penguin: lmao my gay is totally showing

ashton.wins: No, it's not that!  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: I, too, own clout goggles.

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck i'm conflicted again 

luke_is_a_penguin: do i tease u bc u teased me 4 having clout or do i make a bad pun and talk abt how much i want to fuck u

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck it ur so hot

luke_is_a_penguin: n i think u should reconsider being straight bc we'd be the PEARfect couple , ash <3

ashton.wins: What if I told you I wasn't straight and was evaluating whether I liked you enough or not to say that I'm also gay?

ashton.wins: Hypothetically.

luke_is_a_penguin: i would say fuck me daddy

ashton.wins: Oh.

luke_is_a_penguin: ...are you gay

ashton.wins: Good night. Talk to you tomorrow?

ashton.wins: Yes, I'm gay. You're cute.

luke_is_a_penguin: omg wtf ash u can't jus leave me like that

luke_is_a_penguin: ash

luke_is_a_penguin: babe

luke_is_a_penguin: beautiful angel

luke_is_a_penguin: star brought down from heaven?

luke_is_a_penguin: ok bitch

luke_is_a_penguin: good night. we're talking 2mrw!!!!!!!!!


	2. WiFi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has gone by since the last chapter and “Lashton” is still going strong...as friends. Calum is also introduced in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My introduction via Wattpad: ...No one's reading this or anything. That's okay-I didn't expect much activity to begin with but I would wholeheartedly appreciate any support/love that you guys can give. Thanks!
> 
> One more note: In regards to the ending of the last chapter, no it's not a trick. Ashton really is gay in this and his confession wasn't some plot leading to something bigger. Frankly, I'm just too lazy to draw out an elaborate scheme that leads to his "coming out" so that's why the last chapter ended the way it did. Anyways, this part of the story takes place a month after the events of the last chapter. Enjoy. <3

luke_is_a_penguin: r u wifi bc we have a gr8 connection

ashton.wins: We've barely just met.

luke_is_a_penguin: techunically we haven't met yet...

ashton.wins: **Technically.

luke_is_a_penguin: that's what i'm saying!

ashton.wins: I don't even know to respond to that.

luke_is_a_penguin: whatever lol u still think i'm cute :p (n it was a gr8 pickup line)

ashton.wins: Do I really think you're cute?

ashton.wins: Sounds like you're putting words in my mouth... :O

luke_is_a_penguin: u said quote "You're cute."  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: seeeeee

ashton.wins: You might want to check what you sent again.

ashton.wins: ...You bottom?

luke_is_a_penguin: omfjdosjsodjdk sorry it was a thing that calum dared me 2 do n i had to send screenshots...

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm still cute tho

ashton.wins: Lol it's fine. It's not like we're dating or anything.

luke_is_a_penguin: right...

luke_is_a_penguin: anyways it's none of ur business whether or not i bottom

ashton.wins: Well, I top.

luke_is_a_penguin: may or may not be using that information to wank 2nite...

ashton.wins: ...

ashton.wins: By the way, how old are you?

luke_is_a_penguin: legal drinking age :p

ashton.wins: You're 18?

luke_is_a_penguin: no u doofus i meant american legal drinking age

ashton.wins: You're American?

luke_is_a_penguin: no lol just said that to throw u off track B)..i'm australian

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm 21 haha

ashton.wins: Oddly enough, I lowkey feel like a predator? I'm 24. Also Australian.

ashton.wins: I live in Sydney.

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck r u kidding

ashton.wins: Why would I joke about something like that?

luke_is_a_penguin: ayyy no fucking way

luke_is_a_penguin: lets meet bc we live in the same place so u can fuck me pls

ashton.wins: Woah, woah, woah. Slow your roll, cowgirl.

luke_is_a_penguin: i'd like to do reverse cowgirl on you ;))

ashton.wins: LUKE!

luke_is_a_penguin: hi

ashton.wins: Oops!

luke_is_a_penguin: huh

ashton.wins: Nevermind.

luke_is_a_penguin: !!!.....

luke_is_a_penguin: .....k this is gonna sound cheesy but i'm writing a phone book so

luke_is_a_penguin: can i have ur #?

ashton.wins: You're a Kik stranger! What if you're planning to hack my phone?

luke_is_a_penguin: the only reason i'd want to hack ur phone is 2 see your sexy nudes

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: Like my nudes, baby?

luke_is_a_penguin: i would say fuck u but that's what i'm tryna get u 2 do 2 me :/

ashton.wins: You're such a baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: your baby :))

luke_is_a_penguin: sooo can i have ur #

ashton.wins: Hmmm, I don't know...

luke_is_a_penguin: daddy pls

ashton.wins: I'll give you my number if you promise to never call me that again!

luke_is_a_penguin: i know u like it...

luke_is_a_penguin: daddy :p

ashton.wins: Luke, stooop!

luke_is_a_penguin: make me

-

+ashton.wins has added calumthehoodlum into the chat.

calumthehoodlum has named the group chat "Caluminthehood".

luke_is_a_penguin: HOW DID U FIND HIM

ashton.wins: It wasn't that hard, considering you only have 1 Calum Hood in your Friends list?

luke_is_a_penguin: stalker

ashton.wins: At least you're not calling me Daddy, anymore.

luke_is_a_penguin: ashton shUT UP

calumthehoodlum: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

calumthehoodlum: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

calumthehoodlum: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA  
(picture attached) 

calumthehoodlum: ^A candid picture of me laughing at ur stupidity lol @Luke

calumthehoodlum: also lmao I can't believe yall been talking for a month and Ashton still hasn't talked to me lol what

+luke_is_a_penguin has left the chat.

+ashton.wins has added luke_is_a_penguin.

luke_is_a_penguin: i hate u both

calumthehoodlum: awwwwww but u luv me bb

ashton.wins: Excuse me?!

luke_is_a_penguin: ash chill

calumthehoodlum: Yall dating .?

luke_is_a_penguin: yes yes yes

ashton.wins: No.

calumthehoodlum: LmAo trouble in Paradise

luke_is_a_penguin: leave b4 i kick ur ass

luke_is_a_penguin: don't forget that we live ten minutes apart from each other

calumthehoodlum: why don't u KIK my ass HAHAHA

luke_is_a_penguin: ...

calumthehoodlum: okoK !!!sorry I'm gone !!!!

+calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

ashton.wins: That was one of the wildest yet shortest introductions I've ever had with another person. Your friend is dope.

-

ashton.wins: Luke? You there?

luke_is_a_penguin: no

ashton.wins: About earlier...

ashton.wins: ...you want to date me?

luke_is_a_penguin: duh

ashton.wins: We barely know each other. :(

luke_is_a_penguin: we've been talking for 4 weeks....

luke_is_a_penguin: i've never talked to someone i didn't know this long

ashton.wins: Neither have I...

ashton.wins: So you DO like me?

luke_is_a_penguin: ofc u beautiful bastard

ashton.wins: I think you're pretty cool, too.

luke_is_a_penguin: ...ouch

ashton.wins: That's my way of saying I like you...You beautiful bastard.

ashton.wins: I still think we should wait before dating. Let's get to know each other more and then we can meet up, later. Sound good?

luke_is_a_penguin: i'd wait forever to meet u ash :) <3

luke_is_a_penguin: but i'm not beautiful lol

ashton.wins: You cannot seriously think that?  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: Look at how fucking beautiful you are.

ashton.wins: And yes, I lied a month ago. I purposefully saved this picture in my phone. Scientific purposes.

luke_is_a_penguin: more like wanking purposes lmao but thanks ash :))

luke_is_a_penguin: oh shit it's late haha

luke_is_a_penguin: gn

ashton.wins: Good night. Talk to you tomorrow?

luke_is_a_penguin: duhhhh lmao

ashton.wins: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on this chapter? The whole story is rushed and I'm sorry but I really don't have the energy nor the effort needed to create an elaborate story so sorry if this is the most basic ass shit ever! Keep in mind that there will be a ton of time lapses within the story so please read the A/N at the beginning of each story to see how much time has passed!
> 
> Thanks for reading! More character involvement (from characters other than Luke and Ashton) will be in the next chapter. I'm planning to create a longer dialogue between Calum and the other characters either in the next chapter or the chapter after that? Michael will be entering sometime soon.
> 
> Until next time! You guys have no idea how much each comment and star (is that what it's called? I'm new to this whole Wattpad thing) makes my day and motivates me to continue writing. You are amazing. x


	3. Sharpie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set a day after the events of the last chapter. Michael’s introduced (but not really) and “Lashton” makes plans for their first date/hangout with Malum on the side for Halloween.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm deciding to be less lazy today and make this part of the story not lapse several months ahead! Instead, this part of the story takes place a DAY after the events of the last chapter! Shocking, right? Honestly, I can't even believe that I have the energy to do this today but enjoy (for the few of you reading). :)

luke_is_a_penguin: hey boy...

luke_is_a_penguin: u a sharpie? cuz damnnnn u ultra fine ;)))

-

luke_is_a_penguin: don't answer me then fine

luke_is_a_penguin: here's a new one

luke_is_a_penguin: u a blobfish? cuz damn ur ultra ugly >:|

ashton.wins: Damn, okay.

luke_is_a_penguin: omg ashhhhy im sorry :(((

luke_is_a_penguin: i was joking

ashton.wins: How did you expect me to answer you earlier? You texted me at 1 in the morning...

luke_is_a_penguin: and...

ashton.wins: And I was sleeping!

luke_is_a_penguin: i didn't realize i was talking to a 80 yr old!!!!!!

ashton.wins: Sorry if I like to get a good night's sleep!

luke_is_a_penguin: can't relate

ashton.wins: Okay, bye.

luke_is_a_penguin: wait ashhhh

luke_is_a_penguin: u still ultra fine ;(

luke_is_a_penguin: baby

+ashton.wins has left the chat.

+luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: caluuuuum i need help

calumthehoodlum: Bro wtf i was sleeping

luke_is_a_penguin: ITS ONE PM HOW IN THE FUCK

calumthehoodlum: I'm like a vampire lol I sleep thru the day

luke_is_a_penguin: ...k whatever that's not the point

luke_is_a_penguin: i may have ***accidentally*** pissed off the future love of my life

calumthehoodlum: omg is it that Ashton guy

calumthehoodlum: ...don't you think ur moving too fast??? Yall only known each other 4 like a month lmao

luke_is_a_penguin: yeah but i feel like i've known him my life

luke_is_a_penguin: idk if this will make sense but...it feels like i've been alone forever and then i met him and it's like ...i've finally found the person i've been searching 4 my entire life and he just makes me rly happy idk

luke_is_a_penguin: but i kind of made him mad over something stupid sljdksksj

calumthehoodlum: Aw young love. What'd u do this time

luke_is_a_penguin: called him ugly...

luke_is_a_penguin: in my defense, he didn't answer me earlier

calumthehoodlum: You fuckin idiot lol

calumthehoodlum: apologize ??????

luke_is_a_penguin: r u fucking dumb i already apologized

luke_is_a_penguin: whY THE FUCK do u think i called 4 help

luke_is_a_penguin: i need a bat signal but like...a hemmo signal

calumthehoodlum: lmAo idk do some big declaration of love but internet version

calumthehoodlum: but like don't tell him that u LOVELOVE him yet because it's too early 4 dat

calumthehoodlum: & did I mention that he's P E T T Y

luke_is_a_penguin: ik he's pretty but he's not urs :(

luke_is_a_penguin: ...or mine

calumthehoodlum: Lmao You whipped piece of shit !!

calumthehoodlum: i said petty not pRetty

luke_is_a_penguin: oh oops

luke_is_a_penguin: n true but like how do i get him to tALK to me

calumthehoodlum: send Him pictures oF yourself

calumthehoodlum: No one can resist cute apologies

luke_is_a_penguin: i know i'm hot but i'm not THAT hot

calumthehoodlum: brUh if I didn't feel like we were brothers, I would TOTALLY bang you

calumthehoodlum: Have u seen your ass?? :P

luke_is_a_penguin: okokokok ew i get the picture lmao i'll send him pics and let u know got it goes. thanks cal :)

calumthehoodlum: How would you ever fix your fuckups without mEEEEE

luke_is_a_penguin: u ruined the moment bye bitch

calumthehoodlum: bYE hoe

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm not a garden tool???

calumthehoodlum: ffs

+calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

+luke_is_a_penguin has added ashton.wins into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: hi beautiful angel soz 4 calling u ugly <3  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: Well, I guess I can't resist a cute apology. I like your nails.

luke_is_a_penguin: omgdid u talk 2 cal lmfao

ashton.wins: No, why? Just because he's your friend doesn't mean that we're automatically besties.

ashton.wins: The only person I've talked to so far is my boyfriend.

luke_is_a_penguin: wait...what

luke_is_a_penguin: i knew u were mad but not THAT mad???did u really go out and get a boyfriend in the time u spent ignoring me wtf:(

ashton.wins: No lol I've had a boyfriend this entire time.

luke_is_a_penguin: ur fucking kidding right

luke_is_a_penguin: why the fuck were u flirting w me if you had a FUCKIng B O Y F R I E N D.

luke_is_a_penguin: i don't believe you.

ashton.wins: That's because I'm kidding!

+luke_is_a_penguin has left the chat.

+ashton.wins has added luke_is_a_penguin into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: ur an ash sole

luke_is_a_penguin: *************asshole

ashton.wins: Now you know how I felt, though!

luke_is_a_penguin: two different things wtfff all i did was call u ugly

ashton.wins: All I did was say I had a boyfriend!

luke_is_a_penguin: ur so fucking pretty

ashton.wins: Did you mean petty?

luke_is_a_penguin: i was gonna say that but ur more pretty

luke_is_a_penguin: also im sorry for earlier.

ashton.wins: It's okay, me too. Things got blown out of proportion.

luke_is_a_penguin: only bc SOMEONE is freaking petty >:(

ashton.wins: Maybe just a little bit.

luke_is_a_penguin: more like a lot-

luke_is_a_penguin: sorry sorry we're moving along

ashton.wins: Lie to me again!

luke_is_a_penguin: k ur NOT cute ;))

ashton.wins: Didn't you say I was ugly, earlier?

luke_is_a_penguin: it was the heat of the moment speaking not me!!!!! moving alooong

ashton.wins: Okay, bAbY.

luke_is_a_penguin: fuuuck my pants may or may not have just tightened a fucking lot...

ashton.wins: Weirdo!

luke_is_a_penguin: look at how smiley i am from u calling me baby  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Look at how unimpressed I am at your cute selfies!  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Ashton's lying lmao  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Hes whipped for you mate

luke_is_a_penguin: ash?

ashton.wins: First of all, I JOKINGLY called you baby!

ashton.wins: Second of all, that was my friend on my phone. Sorry about that!

luke_is_a_penguin: im not sorry about it

luke_is_a_penguin: 1)ur cute in both pics 2)ur whipped 4 me? i'm whipped 4 u 2

ashton.wins: That was an off-guard picture! I look ugly in that!

luke_is_a_penguin: u could never BEE ugly

ashton.wins: You can't just say stuff like that!

luke_is_a_penguin: stuff like what?

ashton.wins: Cute stuff! The type that makes me like you more and more. Fuck your stupid cute puns.

luke_is_a_penguin: isn't that a good thing lmao it's not like i don't like u back

ashton.wins: Can we talk seriously for a second?

luke_is_a_penguin: ofc

ashton.wins: What if this doesn't work out? I don't want this to end up with us never talking again. I'd rather be friends than nothing at all. :(

ashton.wins: I hate to admit this, but I'm scared of what might happen if we move forward as more than friends?

luke_is_a_penguin: ashyyy we will never break up when we start dating

luke_is_a_penguin: ur literally amazing (tho sometimes petty)

ashton.wins: Lol. Point taken.

ashton.wins: I feel like we should meet up with each other soon? We can get to know each other better that way, if we want to be more than friends.

luke_is_a_penguin: well halloween is two weeks from now...

ashton.wins: Uh huh...

luke_is_a_penguin: n there's this stupid corny cool maze by my house

ashton.wins: Uh huh...

luke_is_a_penguin: n i'm already going w calum but we were trying to find 2 more people to go w us

ashton.wins: Uh huh...

luke_is_a_penguin: ARE YOU FUCKING THICK

luke_is_a_penguin: IM ASKING IF YOU AND YOUR FRIEND FROM EARLIER WANT TO GO TO THE MAZE WITH CALUM AND ME DUMMY

ashton.wins: Damn, you snapped! Haha, I'll definitely go with you. What time is this and where's your house? I'm thinking that I'll stop by your house and we'll go from there.

ashton.wins: My friend's name is Michael, by the way.

luke_is_a_penguin: lol it's at 7pm and the address is **** _______Ave.... your friend sounds cool

ashton.wins: Sounds good! My friend is pretty cool, too!

ashton.wins: Random question, though: Is Calum into guys? Michael's been single for a while and not to be THAT guy who's setting our friends up on a date while we're on a date but...

luke_is_a_penguin: calum's into guys yea

ashton.wins: Okay, because I'm trying to set up Calum and Michael to hang out while we hang out. Is that fine with you?

luke_is_a_penguin: me??? alone with u ???sounds like heaven 2 me fuck take me there already

luke_is_a_penguin: wait P A U SE. this is a date?

ashton.wins: Yeah...unless you don't want it to be?

luke_is_a_penguin: pls shoot me if i ever say that i don't want to be on a date w u bc that doesn't sound like me at all

ashton.wins: Sweet, I'll take that as a yes!

luke_is_a_penguin: since it's a date, does that mean you can fuck me?

ashton.wins: I'm not fucking you on our first date! Luke!

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm pretty irresistible so i'm sure that you'll be singing a different tune in two weeks :))

ashton.wins: Whatever!

luke_is_a_penguin: haha i'll talk to you later. going to eat snacks w calum rn

ashton.wins: Me too. :) I'm trying out some stuff at the winery and Mikey says I'm "too distracted." He needs someone to love!

luke_is_a_penguin: aw DEER i make u distracted :))

luke_is_a_penguin: lol jk later

ashton.wins: Bye! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on this chapter that's slightly longer and more drawn out than previous chapters? Haha, I'm acting like anyone's actually going to take the time to read this and reply. Imagine!
> 
> In other news, Chapter 4 should be coming soon, which means the proper arrival of Michael Clifford! Woohoo!
> 
> Until next time! Thanks to the few of you reading this. x


	4. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lashton and Malum get ready for Halloween together and create a group chat with Calum and Michael. Michael and Ashton end up staying at Luke and Calum’s for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This band is BASICALLY the only reason I'm looking forward to the next Halloween. Is that sad? That's sad. 
> 
> Anywho, enjoy. This part takes place two weeks after the events of the last chapter! Woohoo! Halloween and Lashton finally meeting offscreen! It's a bit longer than the other chapters.

A/N: In this hour's edition of "Tag Yourself", I think it's safe to assume that I'm a Calum in the above picture.

Additionally, this band is BASICALLY the only reason I'm looking forward to the next Halloween. Is that sad? That's sad. 

Anywho, enjoy. This part takes place two weeks after the events of the last chapter! Woohoo! Halloween and Lashton finally meeting offscreen! It's a bit longer than the other chapters.

-

-

-

luke_is_a_penguin: i can't find a costume for halloween so can i go as ur boyfriend?

ashton.wins: This is so cute that I'm at a loss for words. We'll see after tonight? :)

luke_is_a_penguin: u n ur friend should stay over at my place tonight ;))

luke_is_a_penguin: i have two rooms in my house that i share w calum soooo there's plenty of available space

luke_is_a_penguin: did i mention that the walls are almost soundproof? it's gr8 4 when im watching movies at full volume and for other things 

ashton.wins: What if I want people to hear what I'm doing in the rooms?

luke_is_a_penguin: then i guess cal better get used to my moans bc that's what i'll be doing when u fuck me @ my house 2nite

ashton.wins: Holy shit, Luke!

ashton.wins: It's only the first date!

luke_is_a_penguin: ur the one who said we should get to know each other more wtf

ashton.wins: As in getting to know each other emotionally and mentally! Not physically!

luke_is_a_penguin: well my EMOTIONS tell me that i'm horny and mental for ur dick :p

ashton.wins: I give up!

ashton.wins: So...what are you dressing up as tonight?

luke_is_a_penguin: i told u i couldn't find a costume

ashton.wins: You're not going as my cliche boyfriend!

luke_is_a_penguin: i seriously don't have a costume ash lol

ashton.wins: Luke, it's literally the day of! We've been talking about this for two weeks!

luke_is_a_penguin: sorry osmskdkdk i'll find something

luke_is_a_penguin: OMG I GOT IT

ashton.wins: You're dressing as the clown from It?

luke_is_a_penguin: no lmfaoo i thought of a easy costume

luke_is_a_penguin: what sleeps all day and wants to bite your neck??????

luke_is_a_penguin: (other than me duh)

ashton.wins: You've got to be kidding me. A vampire? I don't know how I feel about this...

luke_is_a_penguin: THINK ABOUT HOW HOT IT WILL BE WHEN IM GIVING U HICKEYS UGHHHH

luke_is_a_penguin: see this is why i need u to fill my sexual cravings and fuck me

ashton.wins: I'll certainly "fill" all your sexual cravings when we decide to have sex.

luke_is_a_penguin: daddy

ashton.wins: Luke, oh my gosh, please don't turn this into a sexting session at 9 in the morning!

ashton.wins: I'll see you tonight. May or may not stay at yours tonight depending on how late it is when we get back. But no sex! 

luke_is_a_penguin: we'll see ;)) 

luke_is_a_penguin: the only thing i will say is that we should be cautious of fucking while we're camping because that shit is INTENTS

luke_is_a_penguin: haha GET IT LIKE INTENSE BUT INTENTS

ashton.wins: Yes, Luke. I got it. Let me get ready!

luke_is_a_penguin: bye lmao i'll create a gc with cal and ur friend for u to see later

+luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

+calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

+luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum.

luke_is_a_penguin: wtf cal

calumthehoodlum: aRe you fr tryna set me up again 

calumthehoodlum: Ngl,this Mikey dude looks hot and his username is cute but I'm not letting u set me up again!

mikeytomyheart: Uhh idk who either of you are

mikeytomyheart: Wait nvm hi guy who has Ashton fucking whipped

calumthehoodlum: luKe, your bf has a friend??

mikeytomyheart: THEYRE dating ????

calumthehoodlum: Why is Ashton's Friend in this chat and where's Ashton

mikeytomyheart: Why am I in a chat with Ashton's boyfriend and his friend?

luke_is_a_penguin: OHMYGODFUCKINGSTOPASKINGMESOMANYQUESTIONS

calumthehoodlum: sorry m8 lmao

mikeytomyheart: Still confused

luke_is_a_penguin: 1) i (personally) am not trying to set anyone up @ cal , 2) no not dating yet , 3) invited u guys to a gc bc we're all hanging out 2nite

mikeytomyheart: K.

calumthehoodlum: okay

luke_is_a_penguin: oK so first things first 

calumthehoodlum: IM THE REALEST

mikeytomyheart: DROP THIS AND LET THE WHOLE WORLD FEEL THIS  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: mikey, michael, mikenderella or whatever your name is 

mikeytheheart: :')

luke_is_a_penguin: duck off this isn't abt u guys

calumthehoodlum: lmao "duck"

luke_is_a_penguin: shut up or i'll lock u out of the house n won't give u a ride to ashton's, CALCIUM

luke_is_a_penguin: n i'll put some ugly pics of u on here for michael and ash to see ;))

calumthehoodlum: Lmao you wouldn't

luke_is_a_penguin: i would. strike 1  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Rate 7/10

calumthehoodlum: omfg u did NOT just rate me

calumthehoodlum: anyways try again Luke, this picture isn't Ugly it's mildly not pretty

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm skipping strike 2. strike 3  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: ur lucky i didn't send the really ugly ones

mikeytomyheart: Rate -7/10

calumthehoodlum: Rude  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: YOU CAN PROCEED WITH YOUR DUMB ANNOUNCEMENT IM LISTENING NOW

luke_is_a_penguin: as i was saying before u 2 went back to 2014...

luke_is_a_penguin: lets get to know each other real quick? also i think cal and me r inviting u and Ashton to sleep over?

mikeytomyheart: You could've just said my name instead of @ing me...

mikeytomyheart: And it's *Cal and I.

calumthehoodlum: omggg :o

luke_is_a_penguin: whatever so do u and ash wanna stay with ****calum and i?

mikeytomyheart: Where would we sleep?

luke_is_a_penguin: we have one guest room and a couch but they're kind of gross so u and ash will have to room with *****cal and i 

ashton.wins: W H A T

luke_is_a_penguin: u said u were getting ready!!

ashton.wins: I am!  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: how do u make brushing ur teeth look so sexy 

luke_is_a_penguin: god ur actually perfect

mikeytomyheart: I feel weird being here...

calumthehoodlum: same smh Luke don't turn this into a porno

luke_is_a_penguin: im being completely normal fuck u guys

ashton.wins: ...So what's this about me staying in your room?

mikeytomyheart: We just gonna ignore that I'm rooming with Luke's hot friend or...

calumthehoodlum: i think you and I should have a separate discussion about this

mikeytomyheart: Agreed

+mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: they're totally gonna fuck

ashton.wins: Luke, stop changing the subject!

luke_is_a_penguin: well it's true

ashton.wins: Baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: k i'll stop

ashton.wins: Are you sure I can't sleep somewhere else?

luke_is_a_penguin: u could sleep w cal and michael..

ashton.wins: Ew, no thanks.

luke_is_a_penguin: am i really that bad of a option to sneeze with?

luke_is_a_penguin: *sleep lol

ashton.wins: It's not that you're bad, it's just that I feel like there's a 99% chance that we're going to fuck if we're in the same bed and I don't want things to be weird after that?

luke_is_a_penguin: things could never be even more weird then they already r between us

ashton.wins: *Than. Lol sorry.

luke_is_a_penguin: see! ur already weird! n i talk abt us fucking all the time so it's always weird 

ashton.wins: Haha, I see your point. 

ashton.wins: On second thought, we may end up fucking tonight? I usually don't have sex on the first date but you're so undeniably attractive and sexy like oh god i want to fuck U so long and hard on the bed for Michael and calum to hear

luke_is_a_penguin: omg

ashton.wins: Sorry. That last part was Michael! He came to my house like a minute ago.

luke_is_a_penguin: i do want u to fuck me hard tho

ashton.wins: Luke! Let's meet in person first and then we'll see how things go. Grabbing brunch right now and then I'll finish getting ready so I can head to your place.

luke_is_a_penguin: ok lololol see u tonight

ashton.wins: See ya.

-

ashton.wins: I'm here.

luke_is_a_penguin: huh

ashton.wins: I'm here...at your door...with Michael (who may or may not have brought a copy of Iggy Azalea songs for your friend to listen to).

luke_is_a_penguin: ohhhhh lmfao did u bring me anything?

ashton.wins: Love <333\. Oh, and flowers.

luke_is_a_penguin: haha i'm coming to open the door rn :)

luke_is_a_penguin: oh btw since ur here kind of early we're gonna go eat dinner. there's also a party 2nite if u wanna go after the maze

ashton.wins: Open the fucking door and then we'll talk! Send me pictures from tonight if we take any. :) Please.

luke_is_a_penguin: IF we take pictures? we ARE definitely taking pictures ashy

luke_is_a_penguin: alright alright i'm opening the door

-

luke_is_a_penguin: pics from 2nite x  
(pictures attached)

ashton.wins: Thanks, Luke. Let me just grab the rest of my stuff from the car and I'll be right in. 

ashton.wins: Also, we look super hot in these pictures. See you in a minute.

luke_is_a_penguin: see u :)))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered writing parts of the story that happen off-screen (in other words, scenes that aren't done through text messages) but I wanted this to be a strictly text fic and I kind of want to stick to that? I know; me actually committing to something from beginning to end—wild!
> 
> So, in the next chapter we'll find out what happens. There'll probably be another time lapse but here's what we'll find out: Lashton—is it officially canon? Same with Malum—canon or not? Did they consummate their relationships? All that and more unanswered questions to be answered in the next few chapters!
> 
> Thanks for reading. x
> 
>  
> 
> Bonus Note: Happy Birthday, Ashton Fletcher Irwin. <3


	5. Australian Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lashton discusses what happened during Halloween and plans their next official date featuring Luke’s dog and a side of Malum, who is also unofficially dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in other news that's more relevant, this story will be set a day (kudos to me for not being lazy and making the story have a time lapse over several more weeks!) after the events of the last chapter.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> P.S. I know the opening line of this chapter is more of a pickup line than it is a pun but whatever! My book, my rules!

luke_is_a_penguin: wanna give me an australian kiss? it's like a french kiss but down under if u get what i'm putting down ;))

ashton.wins: Maybe I should've had sex with you last night so you wouldn't be extremely horny today!

luke_is_a_penguin: i didn't want our first time to be a drunk mess lol

ashton.wins: You were sober and so was I!

luke_is_a_penguin: u were so drunkkkk

ashton.wins: Fake news.

luke_is_a_penguin: u threw up and had a fit when i made u wear my sweatshirt

ashton.wins: Not true!

luke_is_a_penguin: then explain this pouty face!  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: Calum looks pissed off, too! And he wasn't drunk!

luke_is_a_penguin: cal was only pissed bc michael forced him to take this pic w u so that he could laugh about it later

ashton.wins: ...Sounds like Mikey.

ashton.wins: But I really met your dog? I can't believe I missed that iconic moment.

luke_is_a_penguin: yea well u can come over soon and meet her when ur sober !! she's getting her cone thing off today if u want 2 come see

ashton.wins: Y E S PLEASE!

luke_is_a_penguin: u got home okay tho?

ashton.wins: Yes, I had Mikey drive me.

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh calum won't stop bitching and whining about how much he misses ur friend

luke_is_a_penguin: he even said that he'd rather have michael as a roommate ugh that bitch

ashton.wins: We could always be roommates if Mikey decides to leave me for Calum. ;)

luke_is_a_penguin: SUDDENLY I WANT CALUM AND MICHAEL TO ROOM TOGETHER

luke_is_a_penguin: JUST IMAGINE ALL THE SEX WE COULD HAVE :))

ashton.wins: Lukey!

luke_is_a_penguin: ashy!

ashton.wins: You're so dirty-minded sometimes that I question why I want to date you...

luke_is_a_penguin: so after 1 date...u wanna be my boyfriend????aw ashyyy<3

ashton.wins: Obviously, but I'm not gonna ask you out over text.

ashton.wins: Do you think we could meet at your house after your dog gets her cone off? Mikey's inviting Calum out to eat later today, anyways.

luke_is_a_penguin: omg a double date

ashton.wins: We're not going on a double date with our best friends before we're officially dating, Luke.

luke_is_a_penguin: ok :((then we'll hang out at just my house

luke_is_a_penguin: netflix n chill? ;)

ashton.wins: More like sleep and chill...

luke_is_a_penguin: r u insinuateing that we fuck while sleeping bc that's #not cool dude smh

luke_is_a_penguin: #consentiscool

ashton.wins: Shit, Luke! I was literally saying that we should just sleep lol why does your mind always go THERE? And I think you meant *insinuating.

luke_is_a_penguin: i wanna endlessly fuck u????

ashton.wins: Jesus f'ing Christ. Changing the subject, now!

ashton.wins: Anyways, here's a picture of what I'm wearing today to prepare you for when you see me IN THE FLESH after your doggo gets her cone off.  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Both pictures are courtesy of a Sir Michael Clifford.

ashton.wins: ORANGE you glad that I sent these pictures?

luke_is_a_penguin: ur so apPEELING but that pun was not smh >:|

ashton.wins: It was a good pun.

luke_is_a_penguin: ok but here's an even greater pickup line or 2

luke_is_a_penguin: what's ur shirt made out of? looks like boyfriend material...

ashton.wins: So original! My mind is astounded by your creativity!

luke_is_a_penguins: shut uP ASH, here's a better 1

luke_is_a_penguin: ur pants look good on u but they'd look better on my floor :O

ashton.wins: I can't believe I thought changing the subject would stop you from being overtly sexual.

luke_is_a_penguin: it's not my fault that ur so hot

ashton.wins: Okay, that's a valid excuse...

luke_is_a_penguin: heyyyy u play drums tho???

ashton.wins: Just for fun, sometimes haha.

luke_is_a_penguin: I PLAY THE GUITAR

ashton.wins: Me too! :)  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: is their anything u can't do omg 

ashton.wins: *There.

luke_is_a_penguin: k so apparently u can't not be a smartass but still UR NAILS R SO PURTY OMGNSKDJDK

ashton.wins: You like them?  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: u make everything perfect 

luke_is_a_penguin: SO LETS JAM SOMETIME

ashton.wins: Sure, I'd love to play some music. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: u can bang me like u bang ur drums :p

ashton.wins: I would usually laugh at you for saying that but that's actually a pretty clever line...

luke_is_a_penguin: ALL my puns are clever u ho

ashton.wins: I beg to differ.

luke_is_a_penguin: the rest of the world disagrees with u but ok

luke_is_a_penguin: i can't believe that my almost boyfriend hates my puns smh maybe we shouldn't date rudeass>:(

ashton.wins: I take it back, Lukey, sorry!!! <3  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: das a low quality pic but it has a high quality guy who i'd very much like 2 date so i forgive u for saying that u hated my puns :') 

 

ashton.wins: Phew!

luke_is_a_penguin: ur cuteness makes up 4 everything honestly

ashton.wins: *Hotness.

luke_is_a_penguin: ur a cute lil ball of fluff n u can't convince me otherwise

luke_is_a_penguin: u literally dressed as a cute ass cow for halloween

ashton.wins: This cute ass cow will fuck you up in bed.

luke_is_a_penguin: omfsjskjdksjs n u say MY mind is dirty? woooow :O

luke_is_a_penguin: zayuuuum daddy

ashton.wins: Save it for tonight. ;)

ashton.wins: Haha kidding, I'm just coming over to meet your dog.

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck youuu

ashton.wins: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

luke_is_a_penguin: D U H

luke_is_a_penguin: PLS

luke_is_a_penguin: FUCK ME INTO THE NEXT PLANET

luke_is_a_penguin: my goal is to have u fuck me enough that calum will grow tired of it n move out so we can finally be roommates

ashton.wins: We're not fucking yet! I haven't even met your family/dog/your best friend properly!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok i would argue w dat but i lowkey agree

luke_is_a_penguin: u can meet my doggo today and we'll hang w calum and his boyfriend or whatever they are after

ashton.wins: They better not start dating before us.

luke_is_a_penguin: i guess u will have ask me out b4 michael does then ;))

ashton.wins: Driving over to your house right now! I'm excited to meet your doggo. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: excited 4 u guys to meet 2 :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on the end to this chapter? Haha, I don't really know why I keep asking questions on your thoughts to these things when nobody even answers but ??? it just feels like the polite thing to do in case anyone wants to answer?
> 
> To be honest, though, this was mainly a filler chapter talking about the last chapter and leading to the events of the next chapter, where pictures of Luke and Petunia will be included. :)
> 
> As always, thanks for taking the time to read. Until next time... x


	6. Labracadabrador

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Ashton discuss their second date and shocking news is later let loose from both Lashton and Malum in the group chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not being able to do my daily update yesterday as per usual-not that anyone cares but I went to bed at 11pm and had to get up early the next morning, I was really freaking tired and I didn't feel like I had enough time to write the "quality" (can we even call it that?) content that you guys deserve.
> 
> Without further ado, here's the next part of the story taking place a day after the events of the last chapter.

luke_is_a_penguin: what do u call a dog that's a magician

luke_is_a_penguin: A LABRACADABRADOR

ashton.wins: I-I laughed at that more than I should've.

luke_is_a_penguin: see told u i was funny

ashton.wins: THE JOKE WAS SO STUPID THAT IT WAS FUNNY!

luke_is_a_penguin: sure ;))

luke_is_a_penguin: so anyways..u like petunia ???

luke_is_a_penguin: bc she loves u (like me)

luke_is_a_penguin: i mean wait fuck

ashton.wins: She's cute (like you)!

ashton.wins: I mean, wait, fuck.

luke_is_a_penguin: u mocking me :'(??

ashton.wins: No! You're truly adorable.

luke_is_a_penguin: alsnxosnxonxps ok so don't get weirded out or anything but sometimes i'm just like so confused how i got u to agree to go on a date w me

luke_is_a_penguin: like uhhh ur so outta my league wat

ashton.wins: Me? Out of your league? I honestly sometimes think it's the other way around...

luke_is_a_penguin: how wtf ur literally the prettiest n most inteligent human being ever

ashton.wins: Okay, I might have to agree with you on the intelligent thing considering the fact that you spelled it as "inteligent"...

ashton.wins: But you cannot seriously think I'm prettier than you? Look at this.  
(picture attached)  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: I wish I could rewind yesterday over and over again so that I could come over to your house a million times.

luke_is_a_penguin: i look ugly in those pics

ashton.wins: By "I", do you mean the ugly Stormtrooper in those pictures?

luke_is_a_penguin: k so like i'm getting desperate for u to ask me to officially be ur bf but texts like those are gonna make me break up w u b4 we even start dating >:|

luke_is_a_penguin: things u can insult-me, our friends and yourself....things u can't insult-my doggo, stormtroopers (Star Wars) n my fam

ashton.wins: I was trying to make you feel better-

ashton.wins: You're so over dramatic, sometimes.

luke_is_a_penguin: WTF HOW AM I OVER DRAMATIC?? GIVE ME ONE EXAMPLE

luke_is_a_penguin: SCRATch THAT GIVE ME FIVE

luke_is_a_penguin: FUCK YOU

luke_is_a_penguin: FUC ME ACTUALKY

luke_is_a_penguin: ok wait can u actually come over and just like kiss me or something

ashton.wins: ...

luke_is_a_penguin: n u may have a pt abt me being dramatic

ashton.wins: Lol you're so cute.

luke_is_a_penguin: u remind me of a beet

ashton.wins: Who are you, Dwight Schrute?

luke_is_a_penguin: no silly my heart just BEETS real fast when i'm with u :))

ashton.wins: I hate your puns!

luke_is_a_penguin: u LAVA them (n me)

ashton.wins: Maybe a little bit but...SO MANY PUNS!

luke_is_a_penguin: BABY

luke_is_a_penguin: come over to my place plsss calum's out w michael

ashton.wins: I WHALE be right there.

ashton.wins: See, I do have puns.

luke_is_a_penguin: not as good as mine tho

ashton.wins: So what I'm hearing is, you don't want me to come over?  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Guess I'll just take these off and watch Netflix at my house on my own...

luke_is_a_penguin: PAUSE

ashton.wins: You can't just pause a conversation.

luke_is_a_penguin: i can sooo let me think

luke_is_a_penguin: ok here's what i'm thinking

luke_is_a_penguin: a) ur puns are as good as mine sORRY FOR BEING MEANEARLIER

luke_is_a_penguin: b) .

ashton.wins: What does the . mean?

luke_is_a_penguin: it means ur so hot that i can't even think of anything to say

ashton.wins: Isn't that romantic? Shakespeare who? I only know Luke Robert Hemmings.

luke_is_a_penguin: awww baby u remembered my middle name omg

luke_is_a_penguin: not to be weird again but this is why u should ask me out asap

luke_is_a_penguin: pls get ur hot ass over here thanks

ashton.wins: Just got in the car!

luke_is_a_penguin: don't text n drive omfg

ashton.wins: I literally just got in the car...I haven't even turned on the radio or anything...

luke_is_a_penguin: u should listen to this band called 1d

luke_is_a_penguin: n no it doesn't stand 4 one dick but i wish it did smh

luke_is_a_penguin: ps larry is real (see freddieismyqueen for PROOF)

ashton.wins: Are you kidding me?

ashton.wins: I'm so tempted to ask you out over text right now but I won't do that since that's lame. I LOVE ONE DIRECTION AND LARRY.

luke_is_a_penguin: a couple who fangirls together stays together

ashton.wins: *A couple who Larries together stays together.

luke_is_a_penguin: ur perfect

ashton.wins: BABY YOU'RE PERFECT

luke_is_a_penguin: COME OVER

ashton.wins: Starting the car right now, be right there!!!

-

luke_is_a_penguin: hello

luke_is_a_penguin: hi

luke_is_a_penguin: beautiful

luke_is_a_penguin: angle

luke_is_a_penguin: omfg i meant *angel delete delete

luke_is_a_penguin: but if u were a angle u would be acute 1 js

luke_is_a_penguin: anyways hello ash

luke_is_a_penguin: hi boyfriend

ashton.wins: You're so extra and I love it.

ashton.wins: Hi, b o y f r i e n d.

ashton.wins: I can't believe I actually asked you out lol I was so nervous!

luke_is_a_penguin: my boyfriend is so cute like fuck

ashton.wins: Do I know your boyfriend?

luke_is_a_penguin: maybe idk he's short with curly kind of blonde hair n he's really fucking hot zaynnnn daddy

luke_is_a_penguin: *zayummm

ashton.wins: Zayn still haunts our memories even though he left-

ashton.wins: But your boyfriend sounds interesting...

luke_is_a_penguin: he also gotta bomb ass dick

ashton.wins: Omfg, Luke!

luke_is_a_penguin: yes, dearest boyfriend?

ashton.wins: You're adorable.

luke_is_a_penguin: :))))))

luke_is_a_penguin: can we like tell calum n mikey

ashton.wins: Sure! When did you start calling Michael Mikey?

luke_is_a_penguin: since i talked to him?? lol

ashton.wins: What could you guys possibly have to talk about lol?

luke_is_a_penguin: um i may or may not have talked to him about whether u like me or not

ashton.wins: That's flattering and creepy, at the same time.

luke_is_a_penguin: but u love it

ashton.wins: True.

\+ luke_is_a_penguin added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

calumthehoodlum: Yall dating or fucking

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm going to kick u out ffs

mikeytomyheart: Chill cal

calumthehoodlum: why don't U chill

mikeytomyheart: Make me

calumthehoodlum: fuck wanna meet at urs??

ashton.wins: UM, EXCUSE ME?!

ashton.wins: I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU TWO FUCK AT MY PLACE.

mikeytomyheart: Why not? You and Luke will be doing it soon

mikeytomyheart: Besides, we're dating so it's fine.

luke_is_a_penguin: OH HELL TO THE FUCKING NO

luke_is_a_penguin: I INVITRD U GUYS TO TELL U THAT ASH AND I ARE DAGING BUT U GUYS ARE DATING??? FUCK THIS U RUINED IT

ashton.wins: Baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: WHAT

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: U CANT JUST 

luke_is_a_penguin: U CANT

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck my heart hurts ur so pretty

ashton.wins: You're amazing.

luke_is_a_penguin: sjsdjodndkdndodjlzndod ily

ashton.wins: Ily2. :)

mikeytomyheart: That was ...

calumthehoodlum: diFferent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on this chapter? It was sort of an intentional abrupt ending, if that makes sense. Hopefully that wasn't too much of an abrupt ending.
> 
> As always, thank you to those of you who continue to support me by reading this. 50+ reads already? I never expected even 10 reads, let alone over 50. You guys are cool and I'm going to try to limit the author's note at the beginning and end because I want to write more of the story instead of reflections about the story.
> 
> Until next time. x


	7. Grate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More talk between Lashton and some between Malum, discussing possible future steps in the development of both relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Hi. I'm trying my hardest to update when I can (usually around midnight since I'm busy during the day) and I'm planning on a double update (or more) on Friday to make up for my lack of posting on Monday. And, as you might've noticed, I'm being less lazy and making the story go from one day to another instead of one month to another. You're welcome! Enjoy the next part!

luke_is_a_penguin: this might sound real CHEESY but you're GRATE

mikeytomyheart: Aw thanks :D

calumthehoodlum: ...I'm right here

mikeytomyheart: Lmao, guess who's single now

calumthehoodlum: eXcuse ?me What??

mikeytomyheart: Not you, Cal

mikeytomyheart: I'm talking about Luke

luke_is_a_penguin: istg is ash sent u to brake up w me i'm going to egg his room

calumthehoodlum: It's Break not Brake

mikeytomyheart: Don't you mean you'll egg our house...

calumthehoodlum: ^

mikeytomyheart: And you're gonna be single after Ashton finds out that you used one of your cute puns on me :O

luke_is_a_penguin: JESUS CHRIST MICHAEL I THOT U WERE BEING SRRIOUS

luke_is_a_penguin: HEY CALCIUM CONTROL UR BF

mikeytomyheart: Yeah Calcium, control me

calumthehoodlum: i feel so attacked I'm—

mikeytomyheart: I think I'll start calling you Calcium instead of...you know what 

calumthehoodlum: oh yEah sexy times r bound to happen when u call me calcium

luke_is_a_penguin: IM SNORTING LMFAO IMAGINE

luke_is_a_penguin: FUCK ME HARDER CALCIUM

luke_is_a_penguin: IMMA BUST A NUT CALCIUM

calumthehoodlum: ...

mikeytomyheart: Hot

calumthehoodlum: The hottest

luke_is_a_penguin: k i'm bored now where's ash

mikeytomyheart: having sexy times

luke_is_a_penguin: WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY

mikeytomyheart: (picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: Noah fence but there's no way that's a recent picture

calumthehoodlum: aNd we should discuss why that's on ur phone later when u have better pictures of *a certain Someone*

luke_is_a_penguin: i would totally fuck ash in that picture

mikeytomyheart: He was only 17, lol

mikeytomyheart: You would've been, what, 13 or 14

luke_is_a_penguin: ok so maybe i wouldn't let him fuck me but still he's hot

luke_is_a_penguin: idk i feel guilty about feeling horny over baby ash

calumthehoodlum: Nevermind that, you Bottom????????????

luke_is_a_penguin: didn't we already establish that i'm a bottom

mikeytomyheart: That's why we get along so great 

mikeytomyheart: #bottomsunite

calumthehoodlum: feeLing left out smh

mikeytomyheart: You're the top to my bottom <3

calumthehoodlum: Shakespeare is shaking from his grave<3

mikeytomyheart: Just like how you'll shake the bed tonight;))

luke_is_a_penguin: WHERE'S MY BOYFRIEND  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Literally the most random photo ever

calumthehoodlum: Imagine being that extra...

mikeytomyheart: You can relate, lol

calumthehoodlum: sigh, Imagine still thinking i'm extra...  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Cal, you photoshopped yourself in Paris 

mikeytomyheart: If that doesn't scream extra, idk what does

calumthehoodlum: ...

luke_is_a_penguin: anyways back 2 my pic fuckers

luke_is_a_penguin: it's a cute pic and i'm hoping it'll lure ash out

luke_is_a_penguin: omg maybe he'll come if i send it three times and chant his name

luke_is_a_penguin: ASH  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: ASH  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: ASH  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: ....u call me extra, Mikey?

mikeytomyheart: I guess I spoke too soon, earlier

ashton.wins: Hello.

luke_is_a_penguin: DADDY

luke_is_a_penguin: I MEAN HI 

calumthehoodlum: found some cute hats 4 u two <3 ;)  
(picture attached)  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: You're kidding.

luke_is_a_penguin: how much do they cost

calumthehoodlum: Not much

luke_is_a_penguin: u should buy those hats ash

ashton.wins: No!

mikeytomyheart: Yes

luke_is_a_penguin: ur supposed to be my sugar daddy tho 

ashton.wins: Baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: YES

ashton.wins: I'm not getting the hats. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: ...r u cheating on me

\+ calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart have left the chat.

ashton.wins: OH MY GOD. NO! 

ashton.wins: Why would you think that? :(

luke_is_a_penguin: idk u were gone earlier and don't want to buy me the hats so idk idk

ashton.wins: I just think we should invest our money in stuff that's...better for the both of us.

luke_is_a_penguin: omg like sex toys

ashton.wins: I was thinking more like tickets for the movie theatre but sure...when we actually start having sex, lol.

luke_is_a_penguin: S O O N

ashton.wins: I heard you wanted to have sex with this picture?  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: omfg pretend i never said anything about that 

luke_is_a_penguin: u were a baby bye

ashton.wins: I want to say something but it'll probably also sound cheesy (like you calling me GRATE)...

luke_is_a_penguin: say it !!

ashton.wins: I don't know...

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll go to the harry styles concert w u if u tell me

luke_is_a_penguin: why do u wanna see him again lol

ashton.wins: Meeting him for the first time with my best friendwas cool but the second time with my boyfriend will be even cooler! :)  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Oh, and I was planning to say that YOU'RE my baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: N U T

ashton.wins: Stop ruining sentimental moments with memes!

luke_is_a_penguin: lmao sorry bad habit

luke_is_a_penguin: yooo michael and calum ghosted us 

ashton.wins: I didn't even realize that they had left...oops?

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm too caught up in our relationship to care about theirs 

ashton.wins: Luke! Be nice!

luke_is_a_penguin: maybe i need someone to punish me so i'll be nice idk idk idk

ashton.wins: Kinky.

luke_is_a_penguin: ahahahaha my bad behabior's rubbing off on u

luke_is_a_penguin: my poor baby

ashton.wins: Fuck off. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck say it again dAdDy :p

ashton.wins: Wow!

ashton.wins: Hey, guess what?

luke_is_a_penguin: wut

ashton.wins: Just booked the Harry Styles tickets. 

luke_is_a_penguin: coooool lol i'm actually kinda excited

luke_is_a_penguin: he's truly a icon 

ashton.wins: A hot icon...

luke_is_a_penguin: Louis Tomlinson is screAMING

ashton.wins: Well, guess what? IDGAF. B)

luke_is_a_penguin: ur such a dork lmao ily

ashton.wins: <3 The concert's on our two month anniversary.

luke_is_a_penguin: a lot could happen between now and then

ashton.wins: We'll still be together.

luke_is_a_penguin: #powercouple

luke_is_a_penguin: good night :)

ashton.wins: Good night, baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> I think the next chapter will (understandably) take place two months after this chapter. Some things, but not all, will change.
> 
> As I say every time, thanks for reading. I'm so happy that I've gotten over 100 reads, now. The Wattpad community (and ao3 community) is incredible and I wouldn't be motivated to continue writing without you guys. Thank you for all that you, whether you write, read, or comment on Wattpad, you are amazing.<3 
> 
> Until next time... x


	8. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set two months after the last chapter, Lashton discusses Malum, Harry Styles and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I forget, this chapter takes place two months after the last chapter. A quick recap: Lashton is going to a Harry Styles for their two month anniversary and Malum is still going strong. However, a couple of things have changed since then. Enjoy!

luke_is_a_penguin: gotta zayn

ashton.wins: You can't just leave!

ashton.wins: Also, Zayn who? Is that a type of snake...?

luke_is_a_penguin: no he's a sex god  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: You are MY boyfriend, not his!

luke_is_a_penguin: oh ur right sorry it's liam's job to hype him up not mine

ashton.wins: Ziam is...real?

luke_is_a_penguin: idk i hope so

luke_is_a_penguin: pretty much the whole band is gay except for captain niall 

ashton.wins: Zayn isn't part of the band! ;(

luke_is_a_penguin: bITCH DONT BRING THAT UP OMSNDKDNSK

luke_is_a_penguin: u know ily but nO

ashton.wins: Just messing with you. :)

ashton.wins: You're excited to go to the Harry Styles concert though, right?

luke_is_a_penguin: IS THAT EVEN A FUCKING QUESTION YES DUH 

luke_is_a_penguin: he's my gay icon/daddy

ashton.wins: I'm not your daddy? :(

luke_is_a_penguin: sorry babe but 1d can literally take this d whenever they want ;)

ashton.wins: You're HORRIBLE.

luke_is_a_penguin: aw ily  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: BABY.

luke_is_a_penguin: uh huh???

ashton.wins: Ok one, you're beautiful. Two, where are you because that looks so nice?

luke_is_a_penguin: <3 lol i'm w calum at this brunch place idk he's still in the post breakup depression phase so i'm trying to cheer him up b4 I leave him alone 2nite 4 the concert

ashton.wins: Still can't believe they broke up...over what again?

luke_is_a_penguin: cal says that michael randomly said that it "just wasn't working" for him when they were at the club

luke_is_a_penguin: that's why he looked all passive aggressive when they left..  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Never seen someone hold a FIJI water bottle so passive aggressively...

luke_is_a_penguin: he got drunk after that  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: now he's sad and moody all the time  
(picture attached)

\+ ashton.wins has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: ASH Y WOULD U DO THAT

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm eating

ashton.wins: You were texting me a second ago while eating...

luke_is_a_penguin: yea cuz it was jus u duh

calumthehoodlum: So i don't mean anything to you then?

calumthehoodlum: who are You, Michael Clifford the big red dog?

luke_is_a_penguin: ur sitting right across from me dumb fuck

mikeytomyheart: Awkward

calumthehoodlum: shut the Fuck up jackass

mikeytomyheart: Cal :(

calumthehoodlum: it's Calum to you, Clifford 

calumthehoodlum: don't act like everything's cool when you haven't said one word to me since the club

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: STOP LEAVING WHEN THINGS GET HARD FUCKASS

calumthehoodlum: excuse me if I don't want to talk to my Ex??????!!

luke_is_a_penguin: i know u want 2 talk but ur jus scared 2

luke_is_a_penguin: make the right choice?

calumthehoodlum: Maybe someday I'll make the right choice but today won't be that day

mikeytomyheart: Please talk to me

calumthehoodlum: don't add Me back or i'll leave Again

ashton.wins: Just like Zayn.

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: GREAT GOING ASH

luke_is_a_penguin: matchmaker of the year..Cupid could neeeeveer even try to compete

ashton.wins: I really messed up big time...

luke_is_a_penguin: u might've messed up but ur still my fav screwup <3

ashton.wins: That's the best worst compliment I've ever gotten.

luke_is_a_penguin: we'll let those 2 idiots sort their own shit out but nooow

luke_is_a_penguin: not to be that person but LARRY  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: this is how i knew i was gay

luke_is_a_penguin: also bc i liked sucking dick but whatever 

ashton.wins: A daily dose of Larry? Right before a Harry Styles concert? You're the best.

luke_is_a_penguin: that's my job ;)))

luke_is_a_penguin: omg speaking of jobs... CAL IS BEING A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS

luke_is_a_penguin: AND NOT THE GOOD KIND

ashton.wins: How so?

luke_is_a_penguin: HES GLARING AT ME LIKE HE WANTS TO KILL ME AND KEEPS LOOKING AT HIS PHONE THE SAME WAY FUCJ I THINK HES FALKING TO MICHAEL

ashton.wins: Shit, that's probably not a good idea.

luke_is_a_penguin: we're heading home rn, i'll give u an update when we get home

ashton.wins: Okay!

-

luke_is_a_penguin: HES FUCKING CRYING NOW

luke_is_a_penguin: IDK WHAT TO DO BUT LIKE HE KEEPS SAYING THAT HE MESSED EVERHTBING UP

ashton.wins: Have him invite Michael over...they need to talk things through tonight.

luke_is_a_penguin: k let me see how he reacts

luke_is_a_penguin: ABORT FUCKING MISSION HE JJST THREW A FIJI WATER BOTTLE AT ME

ashton.wins: Why is he so passive aggressive with that brand of water?

ashton.wins: Wait until he calms down and then suggest the idea.

luke_is_a_penguin: i will update soon but rn its like world war calum

-

luke_is_a_penguin: he jus took a nap and is calm so i told him to invite michael when we're gone

ashton.wins: And...?

luke_is_a_penguin: and he agreed!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: idk hopefully they stop fucking around so we can actually fuck around w harry styles if u know what i mean

ashton.wins: We are not going to try to get a threesome with Louis Tomlinson's boyfriend/fiancée/husband/whatever!

luke_is_a_penguin: FINE I GUESS ILL JUST LISTEN TO THE MUSIC OR WHATEVER

ashton.wins: FINE!

luke_is_a_penguin: F I N E

ashton.wins: Baby, did I ask for attitude? :)

luke_is_a_penguin: nah so ig u'll jus have to punish me or sum idk

ashton.wins: Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky tonight!

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck ik the concerts over 5 hours away but i'm going to ur house rn after i change

ashton.wins: Oh my.

luke_is_a_penguin: let's AVOcuddle. ;)

ashton.wins: Aw, you started using puns again!

luke_is_a_penguin: reasons to fall in love w me—puns

ashton.wins: I fell in love with you the second you called me a fine-apple.

luke_is_a_penguin: UR SO FICKNG SWEET BABY I LOVE U SOSO MYCH

ashton.wins: <3 My baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: be right over to ur house babe

ashton.wins: Okay, Lukey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> This was another sort of filler chapter. The next chapter will talk about the concert and some more discussion as to why Malum broke up in the past and what Malum in the present is doing.
> 
> Thanks for reading, too. Until next time! x


	9. Hemosexuwhale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lashton talks about how the Harry Styles concert went and Malum steps in with some more revelating news about their breakup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I think I'll just tell you a quick recap of last chapter and what's to come in the current one: Lashton discussed the upcoming Harry Styles concert (+ 1D) and Malum broke off for reasons that seem deeper than they seem on the surface-obviously, we're going to be examining why Malum broke up and more details in this chapter and we'll be discussing the concert. Enjoy!

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm not homosexual

ashton.wins: Hemmosexual, perhaps?

luke_is_a_penguin: i-no

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm homosexuWHALE  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: You're into whales?

luke_is_a_penguin: r u trying 2 be st00pid

ashton.wins: Not as stupid as someone who spells 'stupid' as 'st00pid'!

luke_is_a_penguin: >:| r u d e

ashton.wins: You know I'm kidding, lol...but when are you going to stop with the gay puns?

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll stop when i'm into girls

ashton.wins: Damn.

luke_is_a_penguin: srry but after seeing gay icon mr styles, i am inspired to be a gay pun master

ashton.wins: That's straight up wack!

luke_is_a_penguin: nothing straight abt me ;))

ashton.wins: Oh, wow...I really set myself up there.

luke_is_a_penguin: HAHA HARRY STYLES WAS SO COOL THO

luke_is_a_penguin: HE TOUCHED MY HAND  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: IM NEVER WASHING THIS HAND AGAIN

ashton.wins: Firstly, that's unhygienic. Secondly, you really captured him at his best angle, here!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok don't yell @ me buuut r u being fr abt the 2nd thing bc like...sometimes u just say stupid things seriously idk

ashton.wins: I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok ok just making sure

luke_is_a_penguin: BUT HE TOUCHED MY HAND

ashton.wins: What would you do if I touched your hand on that same spot?

luke_is_a_penguin: INSTANT NUT

luke_is_a_penguin: my two boyfriends touching my hand is a dream come true

ashton.wins: Two???

luke_is_a_penguin: harry styles would be my bf if he wasn't famous and if he wasn't dating/engaged/married 2 someone else

ashton.wins: You might as well break up with me, then!

ashton.wins: Go be his boyfriend!  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: i feel like u lowkey jus wanted a excuse to use harry styles reaction pics

ashton.wins: Maybe...  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: My boyfriend is so smart.

luke_is_a_penguin: :')  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: A wholesome meme from my wholesome boyfriend, aw. <3

luke_is_a_penguin:  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: I KNEW YOU COULDN'T STAY SWEET!

luke_is_a_penguin: sex is pretty sweet

ashton.wins: Baby! We didn't go see Harry Styles so that you could talk about how hot he is and how fuckable I am!

luke_is_a_penguin: ah bb ur hot 2

ashton.wins: Thanks, that makes me feel so much better.

luke_is_a_penguin: sarcasm??

ashton.wins: Yes, Luke.

luke_is_a_penguin: hey

ashton.wins: Yes?

luke_is_a_penguin: i love you.  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: petunia <3s u 2 

ashton.wins: Baby. I'm not mad lol.

luke_is_a_penguin: u seemed lowkey jealous or sum

ashton.wins: I'm "lowkey" in love with you.

luke_is_a_penguin: wow love of my life ily2

ashton.wins: I LOVE YOU.

luke_is_a_penguin: I LOVE YOU

ashton.wins: Angel.

luke_is_a_penguin: sexy boy

ashton.wins: Baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: daddy

ashton.wins: LUKE!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: uh huh

ashton.wins: I was trying to be sweet...

luke_is_a_penguin: like ur d-nvm

ashton.wins: Like my delicate heart? I agree.

luke_is_a_penguin: u don't make sense

ashton.wins: YOU don't make sense!

luke_is_a_penguin: WE'RE LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE

luke_is_a_penguin: ur my BUTTER half

ashton.wins: Love you.

luke_is_a_penguin: love u 2

luke_is_a_penguin: but speaking of luv...

ashton.wins: What happened with Michael and Calum?

luke_is_a_penguin: I HAVE NO IDEA WE SHOULD ADD THEM AND ASK

luke_is_a_penguin: (but my thots exactly wow i love us)

luke_is_a_penguin: when u dropped me off at the house yesterday, MICHAEL AND CALUM WERE IN THE LIVING ROOM

ashton.wins: I could hear them from the car so I figured they were at your house instead of mine...

luke_is_a_penguin: they were having some other big argument but idrk what it was about

luke_is_a_penguin: michael kept talking abt cheating and cal kept talking abt some random guy dancing w him at the club but idk

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

ashton.wins: Hey, guys.

mikeytomyheart: Cal, I'm sorry

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

\+ ashton.wins has added calumthehoodlum into the chat.

mikeytomyheart: Calum

calumthehoodlum: do you Guys hear someone calling my Name?

mikeytomyheart: :(

luke_is_a_penguin: ur being kinda of a asshole rn cal

calumthehoodlum: idgaf

calumthehoodlum: Clifford can go fuck over some other stupid bitch

calumthehoodlum: just Like how i apparently wanted to fuck w some random guy at the club that was talking to ME

calumthehoodlum: i wasn't even the 1 who started the conversation

mikeytomyheart: You knew he was flirting with you and still chose to talk to him..

calumthehoodlum: you were flirting w that girl crystal

mikeytomyheart: She's my friend :/

calumthehoodlum: Friends don't try to kiss you

mikeytomyheart: I don't know what u want me to say to that

calumthehoodlum: I want you to say that ur a fucking hypocrite bc that's what u r

mikeytomyheart: What if I said I was falling in love with you?

calumthehoodlum: u don't get to do that to me

calumthehoodlum: YOU broke up with Me, remember? stop messing with my FeeLings

mikeytomyheart: I was falling in love with you.

calumthehoodlum: and? go Fuck yourself

mikeytomyheart: I was scared of falling in love with you so I broke up with you...

calumthehoodlum: I hate you.

calumthehoodlum: I hate myself for still loving you

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

mikeytomyheart: ...

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: um did they like forget we were in the chat bc i heard a little more than i needed 2 hear

ashton.wins: Same. Can they please work out their shit?

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added mikeytomyheart into the chat.

ashton.wins: What are you up to, Luke...?

luke_is_a_penguin: we're gonna help mikey get cal back bc i cannot deal with all the fiji water bottles that cal's drinking n throwing at me

luke_is_a_penguin: he's addicted to those waters  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: I CANNOT DEAL

mikeytomyheart: I'm talking to Cal right now and I would rather not seek advice from you two

luke_is_a_penguin: out of the four of us, who's been together for over two months and who broke up after a month ?? hmmm

ashton.wins: Luke's right. You should try listening to us.

ashton.wins: Personally, I think you should send him this:  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: PUNS ohhhh that gets me hot and horny every time

luke_is_a_penguin: then send cal this  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: here i fixed it if ur a dumb fuck and can't figure shit out  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: So passive aggressive...and thanks guys, but i didn't ask for your help

mikeytomyheart: Cal doesn't even like puns, that's your guys' thing

luke_is_a_penguin: well isn't that PUNNY

ashton.wins: HAHA!

mikeytomyheart: That's not even funny...

luke_is_a_penguin: im trying to help u ungrateful boi

mikeytomyheart: Whatever

luke_is_a_penguin: ok i got it

luke_is_a_penguin: 10 Best Ways To Apologize To Your Boyfriend

10 tips to help you apologize to your boyfriend. If you have upset your boyfriend, here are a few steps to apologize to your boyfriend and mend the relationship.Speak clearly. ... Apologize. ... Explain yourself. ... Listen. ... Let time pass. ... 6. Make amends. ... Express yourself on social media.

mikeytomyheart: ...Did you rly just copy and paste some list from the internet ....

ashton.wins: Luke, I love you but that's not really the best advice, sweetie.

ashton.wins: Maybe send him something like this?  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Handwrite it, though.

mikeytomyheart: That's all shitty stuff abt me tho

luke_is_a_penguin: look u stubborn bitch, do u wanna get him back or not

mikeytomyheart: I love him so yeah

luke_is_a_penguin: then be a fucking man and apologize u twat

mikeytomyheart: K...thanks I guess

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: do u think they'll get back together

ashton.wins: At this point, it could go either way so I really don't know.

luke_is_a_penguin: cal hates mikey but idk if it's more of a love hate thing or hate hate thing

ashton.wins: I just want them to be happy...and neither of them are happy without the other one, right now.

luke_is_a_penguin: u remember the party after the club...  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: n we didn't know they had broken up yet but they were so weird at the party 

ashton.wins: Mikey looked ready to leave and Calum kept getting drunk, now that I think about it.

luke_is_a_penguin: omg and i remember calum sending me this along a rly weird text that sounded lowkey upset  
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: idk i didn't think anything of it but how did we not know they had broken up...

ashton.wins: It was so obvious when I think back on it. They were really weird and kept crying over stupid shit.

luke_is_a_penguin: righttt??? we were at this place selling like rock jewelry and cal started crying when we saw the crystal necklaces

ashton.wins: Can they PLEASE be happy and get together?

ashton.wins: They like each other but are too stubborn to get together...

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck i hope so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter was sort of long, but thoughts? I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> The next chapter will talk more about Malum and we'll see what other interesting news might come up in that chapter! Until next time... x


	10. Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s almost New Year’s and Lashton talks about it (with some corny puns). Later, Malum is added to the chat where they continuously deny the suspected status of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ultimately, we're here for the story, though. Last chapter, Malum was still fighting over something that happened a while ago and Lashton is still going strong. Plus, another holiday is coming up (New Year's because I completely forgot about Christmas which has "technically" already passed due to time lapses and such. Oops.)! That will be discussed in this chapter which I like to also call a Special Edition chapter since I did a Double Update today!
> 
> (Sorry if this sounds all jumbled and messed up—I'm, quite literally, typing out this introduction as the proper words come into my head. Nonetheless, enjoy the story.)

luke_is_a_penguin: i wish i was bread on new years 

ashton.wins: Sometimes you say the oddest things and I contemplate why I'm with you...

ashton.wins: But since this is obviously leading somewhere, enlighten me...why would you like to be toast at the beginning of the new year?

luke_is_a_penguin: oBviOusLy so i could say LETS TOAST TO THE NEW YEAR

luke_is_a_penguin: GET IT

luke_is_a_penguin: CUZ ID BE THE TOAST HAHAHAHA

ashton.wins: My boyfriend is hilarious!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: BOYFRIEND AJALQKWOWK

luke_is_a_penguin: u rly called me ur bf wow i'm not crying at all

ashton.wins: Baby, I think you should be used to me calling you my boyfriend since we've been dating for over two months now...

luke_is_a_penguin: YOU CALLED ME BABY SIGH

luke_is_a_penguin: im so in love w u

ashton.wins: You're gonna make me cry now! :'(

luke_is_a_penguin: ILOVE YOU

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: UR LIL PEACE SIGN OMG IM GONNA DIE UR SO DORKY AND CUTE AT THE SAME TIME LIKE HOW OMG PLS FUCK ME 

ashton.wins: That went from 0 to 100 real fast.

luke_is_a_penguin: idk if ur fingers were shorter, we wouldn't have a problem

ashton.wins: Are you seriously saying that my fingers get you off? Omg, Luke.

luke_is_a_penguin: okokokok i'll take my chill pill 

ashton.wins: Thank the lord.

luke_is_a_penguin: ur purty babe

ashton.wins: Thanks? Lol.

luke_is_a_penguin: wdym "lol" smh i was giving u a compliment headass

luke_is_a_penguin: gtfo w ur "lol" woow 

ashton.wins: Hi.

luke_is_a_penguin: HI WHAT

ashton.wins: Hi, I love you. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: damn u used the L-word so i can't refuse your unspoken apology

luke_is_a_penguin: lol petunia misses u tho  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: It's been one day since I last saw her I—

ashton.wins: I don't think SHE misses me that much...

luke_is_a_penguin: idk i think u should come over and cheer her up

luke_is_a_penguin: she's been wanking since u left

ashton.wins: Hmmm, are you sure you're not "she"?

luke_is_a_penguin: no omg i meant uh

luke_is_a_penguin: um i meant waned

ashton.wins: Sure...

ashton.wins: Just admit who REALLY wants me to come over and I'll come!

luke_is_a_penguin: u should cum quick ;))

ashton.wins: STOP IT!

luke_is_a_penguin: come overrr

ashton.wins: For who?

luke_is_a_penguin: petunia 

ashton.wins: Oh, too bad, my schedule looks full today!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok whatever maybe i'm the one who wants u to come over pls

ashton.wins: Knock-knock.

luke_is_a_penguin: ew no knock knock jokes

ashton.wins: PLAY ALONG FOR ONCE!

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh ok who's there

ashton.wins: You.

luke_is_a_penguin: YOU WHO?

ashton.wins: Yoo-hoo, I'm here so please come open the door! :)

luke_is_a_penguin: ur here?? in da flesh?? omg wow cool

luke_is_a_penguin: be right there lmao

-

\+ luke_is_a_penguin added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

ashton.wins: Hello.

luke_is_a_penguin: hey fellas so here's how it's gonna go down

luke_is_a_penguin: EITHER SPILL THE TEA OR WE'LL FORCE IT OUTTA YA HOODLUMS

ashton.wins: Baby, calm down. You're literally shaking the bed.

luke_is_a_penguin: in more ways than one ;)))

ashton.wins: N O . This is called casual chilling not sexy times!

calumthehoodlum: u Guys in the same bed or something lol?

luke_is_a_penguin: THIS IS WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABT

calumthehoodlum: wut...

luke_is_a_penguin: ur being unusually nice 2 me so what's going on w u (n mikey)

ashton.wins: He's right. Usually you'd be telling us to shut the fuck up and you'd leave the chat right about now.

calumthehoodlum: sorry, but u want Me to be mean????

calumthehoodlum: can I not just be ...nice

luke_is_a_penguin: no u may not 

calumthehoodlum: your loss. nothings going on between Mikey and i 

ashton.wins: There is something going on, I knew it!

calumthehoodlum: I literally just said that nothing was going on—

calumthehoodlum: And you wonder why i tell u to stfu

ashton.wins: You called him Mikey, though. If you were still mad, you'd be calling him Clifford.

calumthehoodlum: i didn't say I was mad tho!!!!! I just said nothing was going on with Us and that's still tru

ashton.wins: I know we're texting but something smells fishy...

luke_is_a_penguin: i love my detective daddy :p

calumthehoodlum: ew Gross I didn't need to read dat

ashton.wins: He's KIDDING.

luke_is_a_penguin: haha ur face is turning all red 

ashton.wins: I'm going to leave this bed!

luke_is_a_penguin: but then u won't get to see my hot bod

ashton.wins: Put a shirt on!

calumthehoodlum: I wonder what shirtless horny Luke looks like

ashton.wins: How have you not seen your best friend shirtless?

calumthehoodlum: I've seen him shirtless lol just not horny and shirtless

ashton.wins: Oh, this is what he looks like...  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: He's not as "hot and bothered" now...he got all pouty when I told him to put a shirt on so now he's playing the guitar like a protest?

ashton.wins: This is how he looked, earlier...  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: you were taking pics of me?? 

ashton.wins: No, the second picture was supposed to be a picture of Petunia and you just happened to be in the picture...

luke_is_a_penguin: awww u luv my family <33

luke_is_a_penguin: BUT DONT SEND MY NUDES TO THE GC AGAIN

ashton.wins: You realize that you could've said that to my face instead of texting the groupchat about your topless "nudes"...?

luke_is_a_penguin: yeah but i seem like a more dramatic h0eTM this way

ashton.wins: LUKE.

luke_is_a_penguin: what ash

ashton.wins: We completely forgot about our favorite ship!

luke_is_a_penguin: the titanic??

calumthehoodlum: boi u about dumb asf

ashton.wins: I'M TALKING ABOUT MALUM?! WE GOT OFF TRACK, SORRY CALUM AND MICHAEL!

calumthehoodlum: there's literally nothing to talk about 

luke_is_a_penguin: ...where's Mikey 

calumthehoodlum: Sleeping

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: P A U SE...how do u know this information sir?  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: he's PROBABLY sleeping is what I meant geez

calumthehoodlum: Haha why would I know what's he's doing?

calumthehoodlum: that's Crazy

calumthehoodlum: why would you even say that we had sex?

calumthehoodlum: we don't even Hang out so 

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: omg STOP SAYINF WE ARE DATING 2

calumthehoodlum: we can be friends without dating wtf

calumthehoodlum: Not that we're even friends

luke_is_a_penguin: wow i can't believe my eyes malum has been confirmed   
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Cal, you've dug yourself into a hole so deep that nothing can save you now

mikeytomyheart: Oh and I don't mean my hole, for clarification 

luke_is_a_penguin: R U KIDDING ME

luke_is_a_penguin: RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SALAD  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: Well since we're using one direction pictures...  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: i am ...disgusted...  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: That's my face, you twat! Don't use it as a reaction picture!

luke_is_a_penguin: u still hot tho...  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: When did you even have the time to edit this???  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: WHO SENT U THAT OMFG

ashton.wins: Someone who may or may not be related to you...

luke_is_a_penguin: ASHTON IRWIN

mikeytomyheart: *Sneaks away in Malum*

luke_is_a_penguin: HEY U CANT LEAVE U SHADY BITCH

ashton.wins: Can we get a confirmation that Malum is real?

calumthehoodlum: damn are Yall fuckin paparazzi

mikeytomyheart: I read that as pizza lol

calumthehoodlum: HAHA

ashton.wins: Omg.

ashton.wins: Malum is...real?

calumthehoodlum: idk is it

mikeytomyheart: Maybe

\+ mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum have left the chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Personally, this chapter was a pain in the ass (in a good way) to write but I'm super excited to write the next chapter. This was like the in between of a filler chapter and REAL chapter, if that makes sense?
> 
> Until next time...x


	11. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s still almost New Year’s Eve, but not quite. There’s a bit of fluffy talk with Lashton and when Malum is added to the chat, things get heated and secrets are revealed. (I’m making this sound way more dramatic than it actually is.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plus, as you might've guessed by the end of the last chapter, Malum is still a key couple in this story with its ups and downs. The status of their relationship will be discussed even MORE in this chapter. I'm hoping to give a definitive answer as to whether or not they're "together", but you never know (relationships are complicated). Lashton is still strong as ever and I'm doing a mini time lapse to like a week before New Year's Eve (also I'm pretty sure I messed up the timeline of this relationship but we're just going to pretend that Lashton has been together for over two months and it's now almost the end of December.
> 
> P.S. Their anniversary is deliberately planned out to be on the 28th of each month as a nod to one of my other favorite ships (if you can guess what that ship is, +10 points to you!). Enjoy the story!!!
> 
> P.P.S. The joke I'm using in the first few lines of this story is probably overused and you might've seen it already so please don't attack me lol!

luke_is_a_penguin: beautiful gay

ashton.wins: Are you ok? I think you meant beautiful day?

luke_is_a_penguin: no i meant me

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm the beautiful gay

ashton.wins: I-

luke_is_a_penguin: ik. ur at a loss 4 words bc u can't believe ur dating ME, the beautiful gay

luke_is_a_penguin: shoooooocking

ashton.wins: I AM at a loss for words...

ashton.wins: ...because your puns are so TEARABLE. Lmao!

luke_is_a_penguin: ofmsojdodossos my puns are rubbing off on u

luke_is_a_penguin: luke's impact! my impact!

ashton.wins: It truly is Luke's impact!

luke_is_a_penguin: love that

luke_is_a_penguin: so skinny

ashton.wins: Did my boyfriend suddenly turn into James Charles?

luke_is_a_penguin: HI SHISTAR  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: My boyfriend looks hotter than usual!

ashton.wins: What happened? New hair color?

luke_is_a_penguin: FUJK U JAMES CHARLES IS NOT HOTTER THAN ME EXCUSE MOI

ashton.wins: Aw, baby. You're the cutest.

luke_is_a_penguin: hotter, too.....RIGHT?

ashton.wins: I feel obligated to say you're hotter or else you're going to shun me...

luke_is_a_penguin: so ducking rude smh

luke_is_a_penguin: ****fucking omg idk whether i want to punch u or punch siri

ashton.wins: Please don't punch me! Thanks! :)

ashton.wins: I was only kidding, you're extremely hot. :)

ashton.wins: How can one human be so perfect?  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: FUCK, WRONG PICTURE! I MEANT TO SEND THIS ONE-  
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: wow so like ik i'm super hot in the 2nd pic but who da fuck sent u the 1st one...istg it better not have been cal

luke_is_a_penguin: n the fact that u have that pic saved in ur phone.. b y e

ashton.wins: My source wishes to remain anonymous.

luke_is_a_penguin: W H O IS IT

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm not having sex w u then

ashton.wins: We're not even having sex!

luke_is_a_penguin: k then i'm putting my lip ring back on JUST FOR TODAY and i'm not letting u kiss me w it in

ashton.wins: ...

ashton.wins: Ok, your mum's the one who's been sending me the pictures.

ashton.wins: In her defense, you look really cute in all of them...

luke_is_a_penguin: HOW DID SHE EVEN GET UR KIK

luke_is_a_penguin: U HAVENT EVEN SEEN HER WHAT

ashton.wins: Actually, we've video chatted a couple of times.

luke_is_a_penguin: do u realize how creepy that is

luke_is_a_penguin: how do i know that ur not planning something evil w her behind my back

ashton.wins: You're so paranoid, baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: i can't believe this!

ashton.wins: I can't believe how hot you are.

luke_is_a_penguin: ok fair point but

luke_is_a_penguin: ...

luke_is_a_penguin: UGH Y CANT I STAY MAD AT U

ashton.wins: I love you. :')

luke_is_a_penguin: i guess i love u 2 even tho ur like my mom's best friend now

ashton.wins: I love you more, though.

luke_is_a_penguin: but i love u more than u love me so

ashton.wins: I love you the mostest.

ashton.wins: See? I've resorted to using fake words to show just how much I love you.

luke_is_a_penguin: i love you so much omg

ashton.wins: That reminds me!

luke_is_a_penguin: ??what

\+ ashton.wins has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: omg yes baby

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh, ur mind!

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: omg is malum broken up again

luke_is_a_penguin: MICHAEL ISTG IF UR THE REASON HE STARTS THROWING FIJI WATER BOTTLES @ ME AGAIN, UR GONNA CATCH THESE HANDS

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum into the chat.

ashton.wins: Hola.

luke_is_a_penguin: my bilingual bf >>>>>>

mikeytomyheart: Are we here to talk about you guys or

ashton.wins: No.

luke_is_a_penguin: no

ashton.wins: We may have gotten slightly off track...sorry.

luke_is_a_penguin: yea so r u guys fucking or what

ashton.wins: Luke!

luke_is_a_penguin: what

ashton.wins: You can't just ask them that...

luke_is_a_penguin: y not

luke_is_a_penguin: we're all friends here

calumthehoodlum: are We tho...

luke_is_a_penguin: MICHAEL ISTG U REALLY ABOUT TO CATCH THESE HANDS

luke_is_a_penguin: CAL SEEMS TO BE IN HIS BITCH PHASE AGAIN

calumthehoodlum: I was joking.

luke_is_a_penguin: oh oops

luke_is_a_penguin: spill the tea tho r u guys fucking

ashton.wins: I would yell at you again for asking that but...please spill the tea.

mikeytomyheart: what

calumthehoodlum: what

luke_is_a_penguin: u guys r totally doing it  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Where do you even find these pictures and when do you have the time to edit them?

mikeytomyheart: ^

calumthehoodlum: ^^

luke_is_a_penguin: WE'RE NOT TALKING ABT ME STOP AVODIING THE QUESTION

calumthehoodlum: i love the way u spelled avoiding

mikeytomyheart: That's how I spell things when I'm drunk

calumthehoodlum: I know lol it's cute

ashton.wins: I love my smart boyfriend!

ashton.wins: WAIT, WHAT? ^^

luke_is_a_penguin: cal omfg u rly just enjoy exposing urself don't u  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: We're going to have a talk later about your unhealthy obsession of turning yourself into a meme...

ashton.wins: But what the fuck, Calum?

mikeytomyheart: Well fuck

luke_is_a_penguin: my thoughts exactly

luke_is_a_penguin: but in a different way ;))

calumthehoodlum: ew wtf Luke we're not fucking

luke_is_a_penguin: WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING VIRGIN IN THIS GC OMG

calumthehoodlum: Hey don't shame Mikey 4 being a virgin

calumthehoodlum: it's his choice!

ashton.wins: Calum, you're only digging yourself deeper and deeper.

luke_is_a_penguin: i want u to dig urself deeper and deeper in me ;))

ashton.wins: Baby, not now!

luke_is_a_penguin: askjdosnskjs ok

calumthehoodlum: idk y you Guys keep saying we're dating

calumthehoodlum: We're obviously not dating obviously

ashton.wins: Obviously...

luke_is_a_penguin: oBviOuSLy

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Cal, why'd you have to say obviously two times?

mikeytomyheart: That's a dead giveaway that you're lying

calumthehoodlum: ok whatever Losers we're dating

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

mikeytomyheart: Yeah we're dating bye

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: HEY WTF

luke_is_a_penguin: WE NEED MORE INFO

ashton.wins: Agreed.

luke_is_a_penguin: i guess we'll find out more in the next chapter

ashton.wins: Huh?

luke_is_a_penguin: like the next chapter of our lives

ashton.wins: That's an odd way to put it but yeah...

luke_is_a_penguin: k brb i'm putting in the lip ring

ashton.wins: Later! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> For me, I'm sort of glad that Malum finally admitted they're together and I think it'll be fun to write more about their relationship (and use some Malum pics that have been sitting in my camera roll for a while). Thanks for reading and until next time! x


	12. 1080p

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT4 and New Year’s Eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for the introduction itself, I don't have much to say other than we're adding Malum to the chat again because they're being hella secretive about their relationship and it's finally New Year's, which means we're THAT much closer to St. Patrick's Day and the holiday we all care about...Valentine's Day! Enjoy the story. :)

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: wut's ur guys' new yr's resolution 

luke_is_a_penguin: mine's 1080p 

luke_is_a_penguin: HAHAHAHA

mikeytomyheart: I thought I was invited to this chat for an entirely different reason but I'm liking the direction it's taking so far

luke_is_a_penguin: u might as well say it's going 1 Direction 

mikeytomyheart: Pun king  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: HeLp I'm lost 

calumthehoodlum: I don't get the 1080p joke

calumthehoodlum: does p stand for some innuendo or something

mikeytomyheart: P stands for Pixel...

mikeytomyheart: Resolution...Pixel...

calumthehoodlum: OMG I GET IT NOW

ashton.wins: You're dumb.

calumthehoodlum: U should've stayed out of the Chat if that was what u we're gonna open with

calumthehoodlum: u couldn't have said Hi first ??

ashton.wins: Hi, Luke.

luke_is_a_penguin: HA HE LOVES ME AND NOT U BITCHES

calumthehoodlum: ...guess who's not coming to ur New Years party now smh

mikeytomyheart: Guess who's also not coming now

luke_is_a_penguin: stop talking about coming

ashton.wins: Mikey, are you serious?

mikeytomyheart: Sry we're a package deal

calumthehoodlum: if I don't come he doesn't come

luke_is_a_penguin: STOP SAYING COME FFS

calumthehoodlum: Fuck off

luke_is_a_penguin: pls give mikey some dick so u'll stop being such a prissy lil bitch

mikeytomyheart: Are you really assuming that I bottom

ashton.wins: This picture gives me bottom vibes.  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: How would you know what bottom vibes even are 

mikeytomyheart: More like TOP vibes

luke_is_a_penguin: tøp doesn't approve  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: ...Hate to break it to you Michael, but you don't give off top vibes.

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached) 

ashton.wins: S T O P!

luke_is_a_penguin: s TØP

ashton.wins: Baby, you're making me lost my train of thought!

luke_is_a_penguin: akaksksksjks ok

luke_is_a_penguin: ur not a top michael soz 

mikeytomyheart: BUT HOW WOULD ASHTON KNOW THAT

ashton.wins: I got bottom vibes from Luke the second we started talking and he's obviously a bottom...I have a top-dar and bottom-dar that hasn't proven me wrong thus far.

luke_is_a_penguin: how would u know i'm a bottom if wE hAvEn'T hAD SeX yet hmmm

ashton.wins: Babe, I'm trying to prove a point.

luke_is_a_penguin: oops

mikeytomyheart: Hi I'm not a bottom

calumthehoodlum: lol yeah u r

mikeytomyheart: !!!!!!Where were you this whole time 

calumthehoodlum: getting food 

luke_is_a_penguin: the only food i want is ash's dick :'(

ashton.wins: BOTTOM VIBES.

luke_is_a_penguin: k whatever i bottom so sue me

ashton.wins: :) My bottom.

calumthehoodlum: ew Stop discussing ur sex life im tryna eat here

mikeytomyheart: I think it's cute

calumthehoodlum: u think everything's cute

mikeytomyheart: No

calumthehoodlum: u Cried watching yodeling kid bc u thought it was so cute

mikeytomyheart: Sorry if I have FEELINGS, Norman bates 

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh we love a loving couple

luke_is_a_penguin: i stan! wbu ash

ashton.wins: I completely agree. Relationship goals!

ashton.wins: Luke and I could never!

luke_is_a_penguin: aight chief i think u took it 1 step 2 far

mikeytomyheart: Both of you can stfu

calumthehoodlum: agreed stfu Yall rude ass bitches 

luke_is_a_penguin: boyfriends who r mean to their friends 2gether >>>>>>

calumthehoodlum: fuck off

mikeytomyheart: Yea

ashton.wins: Who's coming to my party tonight?

calumthehoodlum: not Us

mikeytomyheart: Um I guess we're not coming sorry

luke_is_a_penguin: i can't imagine that u would want to come @ ash's party in front of all those people

mikeytomyheart: I had to read that a couple times...was that meant sexually

luke_is_a_penguin: yes u dumb fuk 

calumthehoodlum: This is y we r not going !

ashton.wins: :(

ashton.wins: I need people with BDE at the party...

mikeytomyheart: You flatter me...I may have to reconsider 

calumthehoodlum: what's BDE

luke_is_a_penguin: how r u a top but u don't know wut bde is

calumthehoodlum: ...sorry???

mikeytomyheart: It's big dick energy

mikeytomyheart: Which we apparently have a lot of

calumthehoodlum: Oh

calumthehoodlum: i guess we're coming to ur party Ashton!

ashton.wins: Yay!

luke_is_a_penguin: pls don't make out everywhere 

ashton.wins: Please do! It's not a party without people making out!

calumthehoodlum: who Else is Coming ?????

ashton.wins: Just us four...

mikeytomyheart: You can't call it a party with only four peeps omg

ashton.wins: I didn't want to invite anyone else? All my other friends are lame.

luke_is_a_penguin: aw ashyyyy i love you

calumthehoodlum: Yall bitches hella weird

luke_is_a_penguin: stfu cal u ruined a sweet moment

calumthehoodlum: idc

luke_is_a_penguin: MICHAEL GIVE HIM THE SEX

ashton.wins: "The sex".

mikeytomyheart: HAHAHAHAH IM LAUGUNG

luke_is_a_penguin: whatever just stop being a bitch cal

calumthehoodlum: no

luke_is_a_penguin: yes

calumthehoodlum: no

luke_is_a_penguin: yes

calumthehoodlum: no

ashton.wins: Yes.

luke_is_a_penguin: yes

calumthehoodlum: No

mikeytomyheart: FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST SAY YES BABY

calumthehoodlum: Yes ;)

ashton.wins: Oh.

luke_is_a_penguin: lol so what's everyone's New Years resolution 

ashton.wins: You already did that joke!

luke_is_a_penguin: IM BEING FR

ashton.wins: Ok!

mikeytomyheart: One of my resolutions is to be like jacob bixenman   
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: his mind...so powerful...

mikeytomyheart: Idk I just rly like that paragraph and that's what I want to get out of life

calumthehoodlum: who's Jacob bixenman 

ashton.wins: ^

mikeytomyheart: I'm breaking up with you!

luke_is_a_penguin: ^

luke_is_a_penguin: he's a fucking gorgeous model...dating Troye Sivan...

mikeytomyheart: Cal's literally in love with Troye Sivan so idk how he doesn't this 

luke_is_a_penguin: LOOK AT HOW GORGEOUS THEY ARE  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: UR KIDDING

calumthehoodlum: google, how do i bang a picture

luke_is_a_penguin: u take the pic and hit it on a hard object nearby...

calumthehoodlum: I didn't mean that kind of bang

luke_is_a_penguin: just like how u didn't mean THAT kind of come? okkkk

ashton.wins: Wow.

mikeytomyheart: Anyway that's my resolution

calumthehoodlum: mine is to fall in love uwu

luke_is_a_penguin: "uwu" bitch r u in in ur anime phase again

luke_is_a_penguin: MIKE ISTG

ashton.wins: M I K E !

mikeytomyheart: Shush

calumthehoodlum: omg Stop no I'm not into anime anymore 

ashton.wins: Whatever, I'll pick the same resolution as Calum except I want to fall *more in love.

luke_is_a_penguin: unoriginal

luke_is_a_penguin: lame

ashton.wins: You're making it really hard to fulfill my resolution.

ashton.wins: I'm glad it's still 2017.

mikeytomyheart: Speaking of that...

calumthehoodlum: what Time should we come over?

luke_is_a_penguin: um did u guys plan saying that or

ashton.wins: Come around 8pm?

luke_is_a_penguin: WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABT THAT ^^^

luke_is_a_penguin: THAT WAS CREEPY AS HELL EXPLAIN

calumthehoodlum: the explanation is just that

mikeytomyheart: we're malum 

luke_is_a_penguin: ok but ash and i are lashton but we don't finish each other's...

ashton.wins: Sandwiches?

luke_is_a_penguin: ...sentences. see what i mean!!?!??

calumthehoodlum: sorry that we're the better couple

luke_is_a_penguin: OH HELL NO

ashton.wins: Are you fucking kidding me—

mikeytomyheart: Um guys I think we're gonna leave

calumthehoodlum: Why should we ?????? they're little bitches

mikeytomyheart: CAL

calumthehoodlum: smh fine

ashton.wins: Adios!

luke_is_a_penguin: my bilingual bf>>>>>>>

luke_is_a_penguin: bye losers 

calumthehoodlum: bYE bitches

mikeytomyheart: bye 

\+ mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum have left the chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I actually loved writing this chapter! The OT4 dynamics were pretty dope to play with and see coming to life on screen and I hope to continue that dynamic next chapter! These intros and conclusions are getting pretty short, sorry! But until next time! x


	13. Lettuce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year’s + Lashton and Malum!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. This chapter is just discussing New Year's Eve (it's 2018 now) and some more OT4, though things may change here and there. Enjoy!

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: LETTUCE toast to the new year!!!!!!!!!!!

ashton.wins: Only you would start off the New Year with a bad pun...

luke_is_a_penguin: :'(

ashton.wins: Kidding! I love your puns, baby.

calumthehoodlum: i think they're Disgusting

mikeytomyheart: Idk I like his puns

calumthehoodlum: U like everything tho

mikeytomyheart: True but he has good puns

luke_is_a_penguin: n good buns

calumthehoodlum: u have Hotdog buns @ your House?????

calumthehoodlum: Ur such a cheapskate so i doubt that they're good buns 

mikeytomyheart: Babe...

ashton.wins: ...

luke_is_a_penguin: ur so dumb that's not what i meant

luke_is_a_penguin: i meant my ass

calumthehoodlum: Oh

mikeytomyheart: You've corrupted him

ashton.wins: Mikey, you corrupted him the second you met him.

ashton.wins: I never knew bottoms could be so corrupt until I met you...

luke_is_a_penguin: tea<3

mikeytomyheart: Isn't that a Shawn Mendes tweet

luke_is_a_penguin: uh huh...bottoms supporting bottoms <3

ashton.wins: ...

mikeytomyheart: Hey Ashton 

ashton.wins: What?

mikeytomyheart: I didn't corrupt Calum :)

mikeytomyheart: YOUR boyfriend keeps corrupting mine

ashton.wins: Says the one who fingered his boyfriend's mouth yesterday at the park...

mikeytomyheart: What

mikeytomyheart: You have no proof

calumthehoodlum: fuck

ashton.wins: (picture attached x 2)

ashton.wins: You were literally smiling. Corrupt!

ashton.wins: Like...sometimes I struggle to believe the fact that YOU bottom.

calumthehoodlum: believe what u want Bitch but i Top and that's that

luke_is_a_penguin: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: Shut up u and Ashton literally fucked last night after we left 

luke_is_a_penguin: SO WHAT

ashton.wins: You were supposed to deny it...

luke_is_a_penguin: oops

calumthehoodlum: Dont get on our Asses about being corrupt when u guys were literally F U C K I N G

mikeytomyheart: tea<3

luke_is_a_penguin: SHUR UPT BUTCH

ashton.wins: But how would you even know that...?

mikeytomyheart: cal don't..

calumthehoodlum: mikey and me went to my car and he realized that he forgot his beanie inside after the party so I went inside to go get it

calumthehoodlum: And i could hear u so I kind of just left 

luke_is_a_penguin: ...so that's why michael's beanie is at ash's house...

luke_is_a_penguin: LMFSKNSSKDJKS I CANT

ashton.wins: I'm so embarrassed...

calumthehoodlum: Just be glad that I agreed to let mikey stay over at the house that Luke and I usually stay in while you and luke stayed at urs

ashton.wins: That seems to be what's been going on for the past couple of days, anyways...

mikeytomyheart: Lol don't worry I'm coming back today

luke_is_a_penguin: yea im sleeping w cal 2nite

ashton.wins: ...

ashton.wins: WHY ARE YOU GUYS BEING SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS?????????????????????

luke_is_a_penguin: daddy snapped

calumthehoodlum: d a d d y

ashton.wins: S T O P

luke_is_a_penguin: u didn't tell me 2 stop last nite...

ashton.wins: Ok whatever, just stop talking about our sex lives with our friends!

luke_is_a_penguin: k daddy

ashton.wins: Luke, istg...

luke_is_a_penguin: gonna punish me ? :p

mikeytomyheart: Um

calumthehoodlum: STOP I HEARD U GUYS HAVING SEX ALREADY I DONT NEED TO HEAR IT AGAIN

luke_is_a_penguin: s T Ø P  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Babe, why are you so obsessed with tøp?

luke_is_a_penguin: i can't help it ffffffff

luke_is_a_penguin: theyre on a hiatus rn so it's like everywhere i look is tøp

mikeytomyheart: Me with 1D

luke_is_a_penguin: i only want 1 d 2nite ;))

luke_is_a_penguin: @ ashton 

ashton.wins: Why are you @ing me, we're literally in the same room right now...

luke_is_a_penguin: yea but im going to my house later today and mikey's coming back here soon so i'm asking for 1d now...

ashton.wins: Oh...

\+ ashton.wins and luke_is_a_penguin have left the chat.

calumthehoodlum: r u kissing me

calumthehoodlum: *Kidding

mikeytomyheart: I can kiss u if you'd like

mikeytomyheart: Too bad I'm not at your house

calumthehoodlum: LMFAOO DO U THINK THEY REALIZE UR COMING OVER THERE RN

mikeytomyheart: Shit I forgot to tell them

mikeytomyheart: I don't want to walk in on them!

calumthehoodlum: idk it's pretty Hot

mikeytomyheart: ARE YOU SERIOUS OMG

calumthehoodlum: aw Baby 

calumthehoodlum: ur da Hottest

mikeytomyheart: Nah

calumthehoodlum: Yes ur a HOT TEA ;)

calumthehoodlum: Look how cute my baby is Wow i can't believe how lucky I am   
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: BAAAABE STOP

calumthehoodlum: s tøp

mikeytomyheart: ARE YOU LUCAS  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: Yes im secretly my best friend 

calumthehoodlum: identify theft 2.0

mikeytomyheart: Wow I can't believe I'm dating an identity thief

mikeytomyheart: Omg does that make me an accessory to a crime

calumthehoodlum: maybe...

mikeytomyheart: That's hot  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: lol Luke met her one time  
(A/N: Paris Hilton is “her”.)

mikeytomyheart: Fr??? She's such a queen

calumthehoodlum: yeah Haha  
(picture attached) 

mikeytomyheart: Ship?

calumthehoodlum: S H I P

mikeytomyheart: Don't tell Ashton tho

calumthehoodlum: LMAO

mikeytomyheart: He would lose his shit and whine about it for daaayyyyyss

calumthehoodlum: Just like you

mikeytomyheart: E X C U S E ME

calumthehoodlum: Baby you literally refused to talk to me for like three weeks after we broke up because I called you a bitch

mikeytomyheart: That seems like a valid reason to ignore you

calumthehoodlum: YOU broke up with ME tho

calumthehoodlum: i could've ignored you for a year but I didn't !!!!

mikeytomyheart: Good for you

calumthehoodlum: whatever I'm adding luke and ash to this chat so i can leave

mikeytomyheart: Works for me

\+ calumthehoodlum has added luke_is_a_penguin and ashton.wins into the chat.

calumthehoodlum: done having Sex?

ashton.wins: Lol, we actually went to the food court instead.  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Are you kidding me

mikeytomyheart: I've literally been waiting outside of the house for half an hour because I didn't want to walk in on you two fucking

luke_is_a_penguin: uh what crawled up ur ass

calumthehoodlum: Can you not be fucking annoying for one second

luke_is_a_penguin: ummm....r u guys fighting or something

mikeytomyheart: It's none of your business

calumthehoodlum: why do you Care if they know or not

mikeytomyheart: I don't 

ashton.wins: :(

luke_is_a_penguin: uhhhh

calumthehoodlum: Just stay out of It

ashton.wins: Why are you being such a bitch right now? 

ashton.wins: Be a bitch to me, Mikey or anyone else but Luke...he's just trying to help.

calumthehoodlum: i don't need his help

mikeytomyheart: Right

calumthehoodlum: Bye

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

mikeytomyheart: Bye I guess

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: i rly hope they don't break up again...

ashton.wins: Me too...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I'm sad about the Malum pairing in this chapter. Hurts me :( I'm hoping to resolve the complications they're going through in the next few chapters but at least I have a happy dynamic with Lashton, so that makes me happy to write! :) Until next time... x


	14. Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT4! I’m pretty sure you’ve heard this same exact spiel many times so if I had to sum up this chapter into one word: OT4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Is there even a point to these introductions, anymore? I think I might stop writing the introductions for a while and just pile all my thoughts into one big lump of words at my conclusion to the story (if you have any objections to this, please let me know and I'll glady continue to do introductions at the beginning of each chapter!). But you guys already know the deal if you've made it this far. Enjoy the story!

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: i haven't showered since last year

calumthehoodlum: what

calumthehoodlum: Oh yeah it's 2018 instead of 2017...i get it

luke_is_a_penguin: if ash was here, he'd laugh at my jokes

mikeytomyheart: Where is he

luke_is_a_penguin: sleeping at ur house wtf ur literally his roommate how do u not know this

luke_is_a_penguin: but we're not here to talk abt him 

mikeytomyheart: What else would we have to talk about

luke_is_a_penguin: uhhh maybe UR weird ass relationship w my best friend, for starters

mikeytomyheart: It's not weird :(

calumthehoodlum: What Relationship????

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh either stay together or break up for good

luke_is_a_penguin: plssss do not end up like jelena 

calumthehoodlum: I was kidding omg we didn't break up  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: What's a jelena 

luke_is_a_penguin: not what...WHO

mikeytomyheart: Ok who is jelena 

mikeytomyheart: A famous girl ??

luke_is_a_penguin: LFMSLJSOSJS

luke_is_a_penguin: no it's justin bieber me selena gomez 

mikeytomyheart: Who's Selena Gomez

luke_is_a_penguin: boi—

mikeytomyheart: Haha I was kidding with that one lol I'm not that thick

luke_is_a_penguin: rewiiiind

calumthehoodlum: this convo is not a vhs Tape

luke_is_a_penguin: idc rewind

luke_is_a_penguin: i thought u guys broke up??

calumthehoodlum: why don't you Talk to Me about this when I get home...

luke_is_a_penguin: ur gonna take forever to get home

luke_is_a_penguin: i could literally send u out with 3 things to get and u would come back with 300 things

calumthehoodlum: It's not my fault that they always have good discounts 

luke_is_a_penguin: U BOUGHT POOL NOODLES IN WINTER BC THEY WERE ON SALE EVEN THO WE OWN MILLIONS OF THEM ALREADY

calumthehoodlum: it was a Good deal...

luke_is_a_penguin: WE DIDNT NEED THEM

mikeytomyheart: I want Calum's noodle

calumthehoodlum: Awww

luke_is_a_penguin: u guys were literally biting each other's head off yesterday i'm done

calumthehoodlum: ever Heard of a fight??

luke_is_a_penguin: u guys were freaking screaming at each other over text

luke_is_a_penguin: n u threw ur phone at the wall cal

mikeytomyheart: W H Y 

calumthehoodlum: idk Luke threw away all the Fiji water bottles so i didn't have anything to throw

calumthehoodlum: This is the Fridge now  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Wow I should totally come over to yours for food 

luke_is_a_penguin: smh u guys r confusing

calumthehoodlum: no u

luke_is_a_penguin: why won't u love me :(

calumthehoodlum: Bc you threw away all my water bottles

luke_is_a_penguin: YOU WERENT DRINKING THEM

calumthehoodlum: that's bc i wasn't in the mood 2 drink them

luke_is_a_penguin: no it's bc u n ur weird ass bf weren't fighting but that's none of my business  
(picture attached) 

mikeytomyheart: Oh my god Cal

calumthehoodlum: yeah Baby

mikeytomyheart: That pic reminded me of this  
(picture attached) 

calumthehoodlum: AAWWWW SO CUTE

calumthehoodlum: ready to KERMIT myself 2 u also<333  
(picture attached) 

mikeytomyheart: You MEME a lot 2 me , too :))

luke_is_a_penguin: can u 2 stop punning bc it's like ...

luke_is_a_penguin: stressing me out...

luke_is_a_penguin: puns r my thing

luke_is_a_penguin: puns r a rly hard thing to master n no one can do it like me soz 

ashton.wins: I know what else is a hard thing to master...

luke_is_a_penguin: ur duck yum

luke_is_a_penguin: ***dick

luke_is_a_penguin: see now u want to have sex all the time after we finally fucked

luke_is_a_penguin: new year new hoe me

ashton.wins: I was going to say playing the drums is hard...

calumthehoodlum: RIGHT IN FRONT 

mikeytomyheart: OF MY SALAD  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: STOP FINISHING EACH OTHERS SENTENCES THATS CREEPY ASL

calumthehoodlum: whatevs ur just Jealous that u and Ashton can't do it 

luke_is_a_penguin: WE CAN TOO

luke_is_a_penguin: ash and i love...

ashton.wins: ...To be woken up by a buzzing groupchat!

luke_is_a_penguin: uh yeah...exactly what i was gonna say

mikeytomyheart: Lmao

calumthehoodlum: Sad! mikey and I can relate

luke_is_a_penguin: at least ash n i don't fight all day oops

calumthehoodlum: shut the Fuck up

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

mikeytomyheart: Can you guys not be so hard on him damn

\+ mikeytomyheart has added calumthehoodlum into the chat.

mikeytomyheart: Hi baby I'm sorry

calumthehoodlum: you have Nothing to be sorry 4 <3

luke_is_a_penguin: i can't be the only one who thinks this is weird...

calumthehoodlum: Couples have fights all the time wtf Luke it's normal 

luke_is_a_penguin: k but like...i don't throw my phone @ the wall when ashton and i fight

mikeytomyheart: I've never even seen you guys fight

ashton.wins: Maybe because we don't broadcast our fights to you guys in the group chat?

mikeytomyheart: Are you saying that Calum and I do that 

luke_is_a_penguin: um have u been gone 4 the last 10000 days

luke_is_a_penguin: U GUYS ALWAYS FIGHT ON HERE

mikeytomyheart: We don't always fight :(

calumthehoodlum: omg Now look what u did luke 

calumthehoodlum: You made him SAD, Ashton do something about your Bf 

ashton.wins: Hypocrite.

calumthehoodlum: EXCUSE ME!

ashton.wins: Mikey didn't "do something" about your bitchass attitude yesterday when you were being mean to Luke but now you want me to "do something" about my baby having a bitchass attitude?

luke_is_a_penguin: B A B Y omg ilysm 

ashton.wins: Ily2. :)

mikeytomyheart: Cal chill, it's not that deep...I'm already over it lol

calumthehoodlum: ugH

mikeytomyheart: Hey guess what

calumthehoodlum: WHAT

mikeytomyheart: I luv u S'MORE every day ;)

calumthehoodlum: oh

calumthehoodlum: suddenly I'm calm again wow King of puns

luke_is_a_penguin: u did not just go there

ashton.wins: Don't be petty...

luke_is_a_penguin: BUT

mikeytomyheart: Hehe add one t and it becomes butt

ashton.wins: That's immature.

calumthehoodlum: my Immature baby <3

calumthehoodlum: n wtf ur literally dating the most immature person ever

luke_is_a_penguin: HE CALLED ME IMMATURE ASH DO SOMETHING

ashton.wins: Oh, boy.

ashton.wins: I can't believe I'm dating such a drama queen.

luke_is_a_penguin: but u looooove me :)))

ashton.wins: I love you.

calumthehoodlum: this is Cute why don't u say stuff like that 2 me Mikey

mikeytomyheart: P A U S E

mikeytomyheart: Didn't I just say a cute pun about how much I luv u???   
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm sorry but

luke_is_a_penguin: i have to laugh!

ashton.wins: Me too, lmao sorry Mikey.

calumthehoodlum: oops I luv u 2!!!!

mikeytomyheart: Ok

luke_is_a_penguin: I—

ashton.wins: We love a shady sister.

luke_is_a_penguin: ash ur mind is so iconic

ashton.wins: I know, baby. :)

calumthehoodlum: I'm done getting attacked omg ill talk 2 u guys tomorrow ig n LUV U MIKE

ashton.wins: M I K E

mikeytomyheart: This is the second time I've been called that now I feel attacked

calumthehoodlum: ***mikey. luv u

mikeytomyheart: Luv you too lol later

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm peacing out of this gc until tmrw bye bitches (text me ash)

ashton.wins: See you all later!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tHoUgHTs?
> 
> My thoughts are that I liked writing this chapter because I've finally semi-resolved the relationships as much as they can be for now and I look forward to writing some Valentine's Day related fluff, soon! Thank you all for 300+ reads, too (we're so close to 400!!! My heart!!!). <3
> 
> Until next time...x


	15. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More and more OT4 but it keeps getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I know I said I wouldn't do introductions anymore but this is more of a life update: I got Twenty Øne Piløts tickets today and I'm officially going to see them on the Banditø tour! (For anyone reading this in the future, it's July 17th, 2018.)
> 
> P.P.S. Mini time lapse to mid-January.

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u all SNOW much

-

luke_is_a_penguin: hello

-

luke_is_a_penguin: hi idk if u guys r ignoring me or what but i didn't do anything wrong

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm going to sleep whatever

luke_is_a_penguin: but u can't ignore me forever cal smh we live in the same house

-

luke_is_a_penguin: ...r u guys ok

luke_is_a_penguin: sorry i couldn't sleep

luke_is_a_penguin: WHERE R U GUYS

luke_is_a_penguin: yanno i think imma wait until i wake up n then i'll start worrying ig 

-

ashton.wins: ...You texted us all at 3 in the morning and expected us to respond?

calumthehoodlum: yea Wtf lmao

mikeytomyheart: Yo I'm usually up at 3 but I was tired

ashton.wins: Me too! I was literally telling Luke that I was tired last night and that's why we hung up and stopped videochatting...

calumthehoodlum: Ugh i had to go to sleep last night so I wouldn't hear luke complaining about how he didn't get to "see his baby" allllll night long

ashton.wins: Aw, he said that? I think that's cute.

calumthehoodlum: um maybe 4 u !!but not 4 me , especially when he started talking about how horny he was ...like bruh

mikeytomyheart: Wow um

ashton.wins: Speaking of my boyfriend, where is he?

calumthehoodlum: prolly Sleeping since that headass decided to stay up until 3

mikeytomyheart: B o y f r i e n d

ashton.wins: We're dating...who are you, Luke?

mikeytomyheart: Yes I'm Luke and I've stolen Michael's phone as part of an elaborate scheme to prank you all lol pranked xd   
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Why do you have a picture of my boyfriend in your phone?

mikeytomyheart: Well he's kind of dating my best friend so I thought it would be a good idea to get to know him

mikeytomyheart: We text all the time lol

ashton.wins: Why am I just now hearing about this?

mikeytomyheart: Are you jealous lol I didn't think it was that important 

ashton.wins: No, it's just that I never thought to become friends with your boyfriend haha.

mikeytomyheart: That sentence gives me passive aggressive vibes idk

ashton.wins: Idk.

calumthehoodlum: i am my own person omg not mikeys bf 

calumthehoodlum: CALUM HOOD

mikeytomyheart: But your also my beautiful bf 

calumthehoodlum: Luv u but don't freak out when I say this...

mikeytomyheart: Say what

mikeytomyheart: WHAT HAPPENED THIS TIME OH MY

calumthehoodlum: Nothing happened but it's *You're not you're lol

mikeytomyheart: Ok

mikeytomyheart: But *You're not you're lol also my beautiful bf 

calumthehoodlum: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: You and Luke are the same person, I'm convinced.

ashton.wins: You act exactly the same when you're being petty—

calumthehoodlum: me??

ashton.wins: No, Mikey and Luke act the same.

calumthehoodlum: oh Thank god

calumthehoodlum: Luke's my best friend but he's too dramatic for me to be like him 

ashton.wins: My drama queen! :)

ashton.wins: How the fuck is he still sleeping...

ashton.wins: Lmao Luke, I'll let you call me Daddy if you wake up!

calumthehoodlum: LMFAOOO

mikeytomyheart: That kinky twink would definitely be the type of person to come running to that

calumthehoodlum: shhhh Yall gonna wake him

luke_is_a_penguin: u called, daddy?

luke_is_a_penguin: we both know u like the name

ashton.wins: FUCK.

luke_is_a_penguin: me

calumthehoodlum: why were u up @ 3

luke_is_a_penguin: we don't talk abt that

luke_is_a_penguin: i was on a sleep high

ashton.wins: Are you sure you weren't actually high?

luke_is_a_penguin: nO

mikeytomyheart: I'm confident that you're becomjng Zayn Malik  
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: ok that's hot 

luke_is_a_penguin: but it's a no from me

calumthehoodlum: lol  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Idk I remember Simon cowell saying something like that to Liam Payne and then adding him to one of the biggest boy bands ever when he came back two years later 

ashton.wins: Your point is...?

mikeytomyheart: Just bc luke doesn't vape now doesn't mean he still won't in two years 

mikeytomyheart: If you do start vaping, you know where to find me

calumthehoodlum: LMAO

luke_is_a_penguin: what's so funny??

calumthehoodlum: mikey doesn't actually Vape he's just trying to act badass

calumthehoodlum: My baby :)))

mikeytomyheart: Thanks for exposing me

luke_is_a_penguin: hey at least he didn't expose ur nudes

ashton.wins: I—

luke_is_a_penguin: it's okay ashy PIE still like u BERRY much 

calumthehoodlum: *I **very

mikeytomyheart: Hey that's a cute pun

luke_is_a_penguin: thanx :))

ashton.wins: How would I expose your nudes when they're non-existent—

luke_is_a_penguin: oh so ur jus gonna ignore my pun completely bye that's a dealbreaker

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has left the chat.

ashton.wins: Oh my gosh, baby no!

\+ ashton.wins has added luke_is_a_penguin into the chat.

ashton.wins: Hi, your pun was very cute and I love you.

mikeytomyheart: Thanks babe

calumthehoodlum: Michael

mikeytomyheart: Oh shit lmao

\+ mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum have left the chat.

ashton.wins: He didn't even say a cute pun, wha—

luke_is_a_penguin: ur so cute babe lol

luke_is_a_penguin: love u

ashton.wins: Love you, too. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: netflix n chill? ;))

ashton.wins: LUKE!

luke_is_a_penguin: calum just left the house and he's in his bitchy fuck mode so he's prolly going to fuck mikey rn idk

luke_is_a_penguin: trust me, u don't want to be over there when he gets there unless u want 2 be scarred for life

ashton.wins: I don't know, I think Malum sex would be kind of hot.

luke_is_a_penguin: UGH EW I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND GETTING FUCKED IN THE ASS

ashton.wins: Uh, I don't think he wants to hear about your sex life either but you bring it up in the group chat all the time...

luke_is_a_penguin: that's different

ashton.wins: How so?

luke_is_a_penguin: pls come over..

luke_is_a_penguin: n u did say i could call u daddy which means that u should be nice to me today and plssss come over or i'll tell mikey all about it ;))

ashton.wins: You wouldn't...

ashton.wins: He would literally make fun of me for the rest of my life if you sent my reaction to you calling me Daddy, UM!

luke_is_a_penguin: lol ur such a dork

luke_is_a_penguin: but ur my dork so pls come over :))

ashton.wins: Ok! I don't want to listen to my best friend and your best friend having sex, anyways...

luke_is_a_penguin: i do

ashton.wins: YOU SAID IT WAS GROSS???

luke_is_a_penguin: yea but now i'm horny

ashton.wins: I'm coming over!

luke_is_a_penguin: C O M I N G

ashton.wins: :| 

luke_is_a_penguin: <3

ashton.wins: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Sorry for not updating in two days! I've been busy and my schedule's been hectic so I've pretty much just been writing whenever I can; that's why you're getting double updates on some days and none on some days. Also, a quick heads up that I'll be in an area with little to no service next week on Monday-Wednesday...needless to say, I'll be sure to write as much as I can before then but it is unpredictable as to how much writing time next week from Monday to Wednesday.
> 
> Thank you all for understanding and until next time...x
> 
> P.S. Happy Birthday to the birth king of the Mandela Effect, Nelson Mandela (July 18th). If I'm correct, he would've been 100 years old today.


	16. Koala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More!! OT4!! (February Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm lazy so about two weeks have passed since the last chapter. It's now the beginning of February, 2018.
> 
> (P.S. Only 4 people have given this story kudos...thanks for the support!)

luke_is_a_penguin: hey b wanna hear another KOALA-TEA pun?

ashton.wins: Did you seriously just call me b...

ashton.wins: Also, two puns in one question? I'm going to explode.

luke_is_a_penguin: explode in my mouth

ashton.wins: I'm taking a permanent vacation.

luke_is_a_penguin: where?

ashton.wins: Anywhere but this conversation.

luke_is_a_penguin: k

ashton.wins: Sike, can't get rid of me that easy, bitch!

ashton.wins: Wait, why aren't you being a drama queen...

ashton.wins: Are you ok?

luke_is_a_penguin: i knew u weren't leaving lmao ur not as slick as u think u r 

ashton.wins: Damn, I thought I was super slick.

luke_is_a_penguin: u r

luke_is_a_penguin: ...in other ways ;))

ashton.wins: Moving along! What's the other pun you wanted to tell me?

luke_is_a_penguin: what's my shirt made out of

ashton.wins: Annoying material?

luke_is_a_penguin: BOYFRIEND MATERIAL U DOOFUS

luke_is_a_penguin: im breaking up w u

ashton.wins: D O I T

luke_is_a_penguin: i can't even pretend to do it i—

ashton.wins: Aw, baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: ihy 

ashton.wins: I love you!

luke_is_a_penguin: idk

ashton.wins: What do you mean, "idk"?

ashton.wins: I L O V E Y O U

luke_is_a_penguin: idk

ashton.wins: Are you being petty again and pretending you're not mad even though you are?

ashton.wins: Baby, I'm sorry! I love you!

luke_is_a_penguin: omgkskdkdos i'm not mad lol it's just fun messing w u

ashton.wins: ...

luke_is_a_penguin: i love you too!

ashton.wins: K.

luke_is_a_penguin: ashton stfu n say it back u hoe

ashton.wins: it back u hoe

luke_is_a_penguin: I HATE U SMARTASS

ashton.wins: I thought you loved me...currently crying. :'(

luke_is_a_penguin: ok whatever love u

ashton.wins: Love you! :p

luke_is_a_penguin: sometimes u act like more of a bottom than me

ashton.wins: What's that supposed to mean?

luke_is_a_penguin: it means ur a dramatic lil hoe sometimes

ashton.wins: Now I'm considering breaking up with you!

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck?

ashton.wins: Are you asking me?

luke_is_a_penguin: ...

ashton.wins: The answer's yes, by the way.

luke_is_a_penguin: BABE IM LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO CALUM STOP

ashton.wins: I'm right next to Mikey lol.

luke_is_a_penguin: pics or it's not tru

ashton.wins: K, here are some screenshots of a video that he took of me.  
(picture attached x 3)

ashton.wins: Just finished my daily drum playing!

luke_is_a_penguin: awww baby ur so cute

luke_is_a_penguin: n super hot like wtf how is this not illegal

luke_is_a_penguin: like how u do make android quality pics look good

ashton.wins: JSKSJS

ashton.wins: You just did Android phones so dirty—

luke_is_a_penguin: tea  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: That's not even tea...

luke_is_a_penguin: yea but it's a good reaction pic so stfu

ashton.wins: That's not what I meant! I meant that you're speaking the truth...

ashton.wins: Don't attack me!

luke_is_a_penguin: omfg ily sorry sksodjdo 

ashton.wins: I only forgive you because...nvm—

luke_is_a_penguin: what??

ashton.wins: Nvm, it's too dirty.

luke_is_a_penguin: BABE

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm literally the dirtiest person ever TELL ME

ashton.wins: Nah...

luke_is_a_penguin: ok if u won't admit it in front of me then...

ashton.wins: Then what?

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

ashton.wins: NO!

luke_is_a_penguin: hey everybody!

ashton.wins: I'm done.

\+ ashton.wins has left the chat.

calumthehoodlum: wtf is going On

mikeytomyheart: ^

mikeytomyheart: Ashton literally left the chat and walked out of the room into the car

mikeytomyheart: And he's really red in the face

calumthehoodlum: EXPLAIN

luke_is_a_penguin: ok so we were joking earlier and he said something like lol i only forgive u bc...nvm

luke_is_a_penguin: n he won't tell me what "nvm" is!!!

mikeytomyheart: Oh lmao I gotchu 

mikeytomyheart: He's just being a stubborn little bitch hold up

\+ mikeytomyheart has added ashton.wins into the chat.

mikeytomyheart: Tell Luke what you were gonna say or I'll send calum your nudes

calumthehoodlum: Let me Just add that i am not in on this!!!!!!!!

ashton.wins: Are you actually blackmailing me right now...

ashton.wins: ...Ok.

luke_is_a_penguin: YAY THANKS MIKEY

mikeytomyheart: Cal plug your ears while ash confessed his dirty secret

calumthehoodlum: wha—

mikeytomyheart: JUSTDO IT

calumthehoodlum: someone's not getting dick tonight...

mikeytomyheart: ...please do it, babe? luv u :)

calumthehoodlum: Okay, later guys

luke_is_a_penguin: i think they left

ashton.wins: They're still going to see our messages when they look at the conversation...

luke_is_a_penguin: yah but i don't think they care lmao they were literally just talking about sex

luke_is_a_penguin: ...why does mikey have ur nudes tho

ashton.wins: Um, he got them by accident when I meant to send them to you...

luke_is_a_penguin: LMAO

luke_is_a_penguin: i mean...what were u gonna say earlier?

ashton.wins: I was going to say that I only forgive you because

ashton.wins: Fuck, this is embarrassing now!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok i'll say something dirty so that u will feel better about saying whatever ur about to say lol

luke_is_a_penguin: i like when u tie me up and fuck me rly hard

luke_is_a_penguin: now ur turn to say whatever it is!

calumthehoodlum: Damn Yall kinky lmao

mikeytomyheart: CALUM WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE

mikeytomyheart: Sorry guys, we're leaving

calumthehoodlum: we Are?

mikeytomyheart: I'm going to video chat you so yes we're leaving

calumthehoodlum: ok bye Guys

ashton.wins: I—

ashton.wins: I don't even care anymore I was going to say that you give good head and THAT'S IT!

luke_is_a_penguin: aw babe ur so cute

calumthehoodlum: You should feel lucky because luke didn't give Head to anyone before you

ashton.wins: Michael Clifford! You said you had this under control!

ashton.wins: I thought you were distracting him by killing him or something...

calumthehoodlum: imma bad bitch u can't kill me  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: I meant kissing, omg!

mikeytomyheart: Sorry Calums being a hoe rn

calumthehoodlum: call me Hoe one more time andUr not getting dick for the next Week

mikeytomyheart: H O e

luke_is_a_penguin: we love a feisty bottom

calumthehoodlum: we love a Bottom who isn't having sex for th next week!

mikeytomyheart: wait Babe fUCK

luke_is_a_penguin: see ash they're literally broadcasting their whole sex life

ashton.wins: I hate when you're right...

mikeytomyheart: I'm just glad that Valentine's Day is more than a week after today 

mikeytomyheart: I would not be able to not have sex on v day

calumthehoodlum: ok But same  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Ew, Obama just made it not sexual.

mikeytomyheart: On the contrary

mikeytomyheart: He makes my dick FEEL THINGS

calumthehoodlum: obama >>>>

luke_is_a_penguin: u guys hella weird lol

ashton.wins: Agreed!

luke_is_a_penguin: im done w this gc smh imma go text ash rn

ashton.wins: That means I'm leaving, too!

calumthehoodlum: whatever obama haters

mikeytomyheart: Pls don't leave me OBAMAself

calumthehoodlum: istg sometimes I feel like I'm dating luke

mikeytomyheart: ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Sorry for the late update! I've been feeling unmotivated and stuck in a writer's block lately but somebody's recent comment made me feel motivated to write ONE more chapter before I take a three day break from here. I'll be camping for the next three days and unable to write—I will make sure to update this story AS SOON as I get back, though. Please feel free to nag me and remind me to write if I forget to on Thursday!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and until next time...x


	17. April May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT4 talks a week before Valentine’s Day—a big surprise is in store for them at the end of the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini time lapse to a week before Valentine's Day.

luke_is_a_penguin: LMFSJSOSJOS

ashton.wins: Go ahead, spit it out.

calumthehoodlum: O.o

ashton.wins: Not that kind of spit!

ashton.wins: Lukey, you obviously have some sort of pun on your mind. Spit it out!

calumthehoodlum: pls No

mikeytomyheart: Pls yes

mikeytomyheart: I love his puns idc

luke_is_a_penguin: ok so can february march

mikeytomyheart: I KNOW THIS ONE

mikeytomyheart: MY TIME HAS COME

luke_is_a_penguin: go 4 it

mikeytomyheart: No, February can't march but April may

ashton.wins: ...That's actually pretty clever.

ashton.wins: I think I'll keep dating you.

luke_is_a_penguin: b i TCH

calumthehoodlum: i Dont get it

mikeytomyheart: Lol I luv u

calumthehoodlum: someone pls !Explain!!  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: sorry it's a sophisticated joke 

luke_is_a_penguin: u wouldn't get it

ashton.wins: LUKE SJSKSJSKSKSK!!!

mikeytomyheart: Can you not be a rude ass for like 1 sec

luke_is_a_penguin: give me like 5 seconds and i'll be fine

ashton.wins: Why not three or two? Five seems like an odd number.

luke_is_a_penguin: i have 5 fingers and im using my fingers to count down

ashton.wins: Ok...

mikeytomyheart: Your time's up, explain the joke to our dear friend 

calumthehoodlum: "dear friend"

calumthehoodlum: I was gonna give u sex 2nite lol but ig not

mikeytomyheart: Fine **boyfriend

mikeytomyheart: Petty ass

calumthehoodlum: excuse Me?

mikeytomyheart: ...Luke explain the joke

luke_is_a_penguin: ummmm ok

luke_is_a_penguin: ok so like can February march?

luke_is_a_penguin: like the action. like the ants go marching 1 v 1 n that typa shit

calumthehoodlum: wOt

luke_is_a_penguin: r u rly that thick

mikeytomyheart: Hey only I get to call him that

luke_is_a_penguin: not that type of thick...that's thicc

ashton.wins: This is what he means—  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: exactly!!

calumthehoodlum: oh Lmfao now i get the first part but what about the 2nd part

luke_is_a_penguin: uM i said April may

luke_is_a_penguin: bc like april CAN march

calumthehoodlum: Oh now i get it

calumthehoodlum: that's not funny Tho

luke_is_a_penguin: ITS NOT FUNNY BC I HAD TO EXPLAIN IT U TWAT

mikeytomyheart: Damn calm da fuck down

luke_is_a_penguin: stfu

luke_is_a_penguin: at least my bf understands my puns

calumthehoodlum: well At Least my boyfriend doesn't tell me dumb Puns...

mikeytomyheart: Both of you need to chill

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: Trying to decide whether I should laugh or defend Luke...

luke_is_a_penguin: defend me r u boners

luke_is_a_penguin: * BONKERS

mikeytomyheart: I would laugh

luke_is_a_penguin: whatever i'm going to leave bc i don't feel comfortable being attacked

ashton.wins: Baby, don't be a drama queen!

luke_is_a_penguin: k i'll subtly leave then 

calumthehoodlum: do U even know what that means

mikeytomyheart: CAL STOP LMFAO

luke_is_a_penguin: STFU

ashton.wins: Baaaaaaby.

ashton.wins: Please stay?

luke_is_a_penguin: ok but only 4 u

calumthehoodlum: ew  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: I love Stock photos 

luke_is_a_penguin: SHUT UP

luke_is_a_penguin: u n mikey r ew

mikeytomyheart: Why are you bringing me into this I literally didn't do anything 

mikeytomyheart: Ashton control your mans

luke_is_a_penguin: *defend ur mans

ashton.wins: My mans?

luke_is_a_penguin: u jus called me...ur mans

luke_is_a_penguin: im freaking out wowowowow i loooove when my man calls me his mans like wow omg ugh ur mind!

mikeytomyheart: How does no one else find it weird that Ashton calms down Luke and makes him go from 100 to 0 in like 5 seconds I'm—

calumthehoodlum: Their so in Love that it's disgusting

luke_is_a_penguin: * they're

mikeytomyheart: Nvm he's back to being a lil bitch again

ashton.wins: Stop attacking my mans.

luke_is_a_penguin: MANS

luke_is_a_penguin: love you!!!!!!!!!

ashton.wins: Love you more! :)

calumthehoodlum: ew stop being Disgusting and in Love

luke_is_a_penguin: bruh at least we don't talk abt our sex lives in the gc smh

mikeytomyheart: But weren't you guys literally talking about fucking last week

calumthehoodlum: tea  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: Mikey ik ur not a fax machine but ur really spittin out straight fax 

luke_is_a_penguin: a) spitting? i thot mikey was a swallower oops

luke_is_a_penguin: b) straight? more like gay (or bi, pan, etc , whatever but he's not straight)

luke_is_a_penguin: c) *FACTS

mikeytomyheart: Yeah I'm gay lol but Calum's bi

luke_is_a_penguin: IK THAT OMG HES MY BESTFRIEND LOL

mikeytomyheart: Dang you got no chill homie

ashton.wins: Lol if you think this is him being not chill...you'd freak out when he's ACTUALLY not chill.

ashton.wins: He would give the Kardashian family a run for their money, honestly.

luke_is_a_penguin: wow lmao keep exposing me like that

luke_is_a_penguin: guess who's not getting lucky for Valentine's Day next week!

mikeytomyheart: Hot damn

calumthehoodlum: and the Tea just keeps coming!  
(picture attached)

mikeytomyheart: Babe I swear that you probably have like ten thousand reaction pix saved in your phone lol

luke_is_a_penguin: pix?? he's storing pixels in his phone??

ashton.wins: Luke, why are you so shady today lol?

ashton.wins: Calum, aren't you literally over there with him right now?

calumthehoodlum: Um I hung out with him last night w our other friend lmao  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: My baby's so cute.

mikeytomyheart: Hmmmm

mikeytomyheart: Quite an interesting position you're in, Calum!

calumthehoodlum: oh Baby don't be jealous lol

mikeytomyheart: I'm not jealous what

mikeytomyheart: We're hotter anyways  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: release the malum sex tape bitches

ashton.wins: The joke of the century!

calumthehoodlum: well we r hot

ashton.wins: ...Ok, but are you with Luke RIGHT NOW?

calumthehoodlum: nah i left to go to some radio thing w Mikey bc luke's being 2 much of a bitchass  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: this looks like a picture that would be titled calum and his bitch

ashton.wins: Luke!

calumthehoodlum: i think he's just being a bitch bc he hasn't had his daily dick appt but idk

mikeytomyheart: Relatable

ashton.wins: I don't think that's true...

ashton.wins: ...Luke?

luke_is_a_penguin: no comment

calumthehoodlum: O.o

mikeytomyheart. o.O

luke_is_a_penguin: ok i have to confess something 

calumthehoodlum: Finally !!

luke_is_a_penguin: this was supposed to be a surprise for Valentine's Day but bc ur all being mean 2 me ig i have to let it out

luke_is_a_penguin: i got us tickets for coachella 

calumthehoodlum: Us as in...

luke_is_a_penguin: all 4 of us 

luke_is_a_penguin: tho im starting to regret that!

calumthehoodlum: Well I'm not

calumthehoodlum: Coachella?? In America?? ashton i love ur bf 

ashton.wins: Me too!

calumthehoodlum: lol that explains y he was being shadier than usual.. he can never be normal when he's trying to keep a secret

mikeytomyheart: Sounds like you

ashton.wins: Is that shade?

mikeytomyheart: Idk probably not

luke_is_a_penguin: LMFAO

calumthehoodlum: what weekend Are we going tho lol

luke_is_a_penguin: weekend 2!! queen b!!

mikeytomyheart: OH MY GOD

mikeytomyheart: BROCKHAMPTON, POST MALONE, TYLER THE CREATOR, BLACKBEAR AND DECLAN MCKENNA ARE GOING TO BE THERE WOW IMMA LOSE MY SHIT

ashton.wins: I think you already lost your shit!

calumthehoodlum: fuck I love Yall and especially Luke's weird ass 

luke_is_a_penguin: !! :)

ashton.wins: This has been one of the weirdest conversations I've had in a long time...love you weirdos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> To be honest, I have no idea what was going through my mind when I wrote this chapter. I started it in one place and it ended in another—hopefully, it wasn't too abstract of a transition? In some ways, this was also another filler chapter (sorry) but the next chapter will be more interesting (lovey dovey and all that shit)! The next chapter will take place on the grandmother of all love days, Valentine's Day! Thanks for reading and until next time...x


	18. Olive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lashton on Valentine’s Day with a dash of Malum, who seemingly is beginning to have more and more problems...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini time lapse...it's now Valentine's Day (full of puns)! Enjoy! :)

luke_is_a_penguin: OLIVE you!!!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: happy v day to the best boyfriend ever!!!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: here's 14 reasons why i love u since it's february 14th... (u'll see them when u wake up bc it's midnight rn lol oops)

luke_is_a_penguin: 1) u were so nice to me when i first started talking to u and ur still the nicest ever...we literally clicked from day one

luke_is_a_penguin: 2) petunia loves u. if my dog loves u, that's an automatic +++

luke_is_a_penguin: 3) u a freak in the sheets, gentleman in the streets :p

calumthehoodlum: MIKEY AND I DIDNT LEAVE THE CHAT YET AHHHH HOLD ON

luke_is_a_penguin: oops i didn't expect u to still be here or be up in the middle of the nite

mikeytomyheart: Bye...I'm kinda scarred now

\+ mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum have left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: JSKAJSKSK let's just pick up where i left off

luke_is_a_penguin: 4) fashion!! ur the best diy fashion artist ever  
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: 5) UR SMILE GAH DAMN 

luke_is_a_penguin: 6) n i love ur cute ass tattoos  
(picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: 7) u laugh at my jokes. even when they're not funny :))ily lots 4 that

luke_is_a_penguin: 8) not only r u hot but ur also the most beautiful person ever

luke_is_a_penguin: 9) U WERE A CUTE LIL KID UGH I TOTALLY WOULDA DATED U BACK THEN  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: 10) ur goofy n silly n cute n u do things w me that are really lame n stupid but i love you anyways for doing them <3  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: 11) ^ u let me borrow ur things (like clout goggles) when i forget them bc im lowkey stupid

luke_is_a_penguin: 12) we have the same taste in music!! not saying it would be a dealbreaker but...there would def be issues if u didn't like 1D

luke_is_a_penguin: 13) ur a meme lord

luke_is_a_penguin: 14) i love you because you are the most amazing person on this earth and nothing will ever change that. i love you sooooo much and happy v day !!

luke_is_a_penguin: oh i'm also hopping over to ur place later so i can be there after u read this:))

-

ashton.wins: Baby!!! I love you so so so much.

ashton.wins: Thank you for writing this. I don't know what I would do without you. You're the best fucking boyfriend ever.

luke_is_a_penguin: i love youuuuu babe :))<3

luke_is_a_penguin: lol can i come over now? i have presents

ashton.wins: We were supposed to get gifts...?

luke_is_a_penguin: it's ok if u didn't get presents...

ashton.wins: I'm kidding lol! Of course I got presents for my baby. :)

ashton.wins: You can obviously come over. The door's always open for you.

luke_is_a_penguin: ok :))

ashton.wins: Calum just texted me asking if he and Mikey can come back to the chat?

luke_is_a_penguin: LOL YEAH

ashton.wins: I'll add them later. See you son!

ashton.wins: *soon!

luke_is_a_penguin: see u soon daddy

ashton.wins: Smh!

luke_is_a_penguin: u know u like it!

luke_is_a_penguin: & it's v day...let me have this moment pls

ashton.wins: So maybe I like it a little bit...don't tell Mikey or I swear to God, Luke...

luke_is_a_penguin: do i get a punishment if i tell ;))

ashton.wins: B A B Y!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok okk i'll see u rn

ashton.wins: :))

-

\+ ashton.wins added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart to the chat.

mikeytomyheart: I still haven't got what Luke said out of my mind

mikeytomyheart: Thanks a lot bro

luke_is_a_penguin: coming from the guy who sucks my best friend's dick at our house without closing the door!!

ashton.wins: Stop! I invited us all here to be nice and not fight!

ashton.wins: It's Valentine's Day not Bitch Day! Spread love not bitchiness. All the love.

mikeytomyheart: Who are you, Harry Styles?????

mikeytomyheart: "All the love, H."

calumthehoodlum: i Agree with ashton..

mikeytomyheart: Of course you do

calumthehoodlum: Whats that supposed to mean

mikeytomyheart: Idk what do you think hypocrite

mikeytomyheart: You were up my ass this morning for agreeing with Luke a lot but I can't say the same about you and Ashton??ok

luke_is_a_penguin: oh this is why u were both up @ midnight...

calumthehoodlum: Michael, that's different

luke_is_a_penguin: um did i do something wrong

calumthehoodlum: Well it just sucks that MY boyfriend agrees more with my best friend than me

calumthehoodlum: That's like if Luke always agreed with some random dipshit in our classes instead of agreeing with me

ashton.wins: Maybe if you weren't such a jealous asshole all the time, things would be different...

calumthehoodlum: I don't remmeber asking 4 ur opinion

mikeytomyheart: *Remember

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: what the fuck is going on

ashton.wins: Did you guys break up...again?

mikeytomyheart: There's nothing to break up in the first place according to Calum lol

luke_is_a_penguin: ...

ashton.wins: ...

luke_is_a_penguin: my otp CANNOT break up wth it's like a rule or something 

calumthehoodlum: We didn't break up. Yet.

ashton.wins: Can you guys please not fight? It's Valentine's Day. :(

mikeytomyheart: So 

luke_is_a_penguin: sooo go resolve ur problems n come back when ur done

calumthehoodlum: ok

mikeytomyheart: K see you guys later

luke_is_a_penguin: what a dry ass response 

luke_is_a_penguin: ash can pls we go see infinity war while they have makeup sex

ashton.wins: I'm sitting right next to you...sure.

luke_is_a_penguin: yay!! brb 2 da group chat

-

calumthehoodlum: hello i Have unfortunate news that I know will be hard to hear for Luke

mikeytomyheart: Yeah sorry...we had to do what was best for us 

calumthehoodlum: it's Better for everyone this way 

mikeytomyheart: There'll be less fighting now :)

ashton.wins: Are you guys kidding me?

ashton.wins: He's already sad from watching Infinity War and now this? Unbelievable!

luke_is_a_penguin: OWW FUC U GUYS

calumthehoodlum: we're still together omfjsksjs it was a Joke

mikeytomyheart: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: LEAVE 

luke_is_a_penguin: my heart is super fragile rn u can't do that!!!

calumthehoodlum: Oops

mikeytomyheart: Hi

calumthehoodlum: what

mikeytomyheart: It's a Larry thing dumbass

mikeytomyheart: I might actually break up with you

calumthehoodlum: after i just fucked u into the next universe?? k

ashton.wins: I—

luke_is_a_penguin: brb while i bleach my eyes

ashton.wins: I don't know, I've heard them say worse. This was pretty tame compared to what Mikey says at home.

calumthehoodlum: what exactly Does he say at home? 

ashton.wins: Stuff that I don't want to repeat! Mainly things about your "wild and awesome" sex life!

calumthehoodlum: As log as he says i got a bomb ass dick it's all gucci 

luke_is_a_penguin: "log"

calumthehoodlum: Shut up Luke

calumthehoodlum: shouldn't u n Ashton be hanging out instead of texting us anyways 

ashton.wins: We're hanging out with Luke's dog...and Luke wanted to know if Malum was still a "thing".

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached x 3) 

calumthehoodlum: you'll literally use any excuse to send pictures of Yourself lmao 

ashton.wins: If I was that hot, I'd do it, too!

luke_is_a_penguin: DID U NOT READ THE REASONS WHY I LOVE YOU OR

luke_is_a_penguin: UR FUCKING HOT OK

ashton.wins: Not really!

luke_is_a_penguin: yes u fucking r :))))

ashton.wins: I love you.

mikeytomyheart: Thank you

luke_is_a_penguin: u got amnesia or something?? he's mine thanks ok bye

calumthehoodlum: And u call me possessive lol ok

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll NEVER BE as posesive as u

calumthehoodlum: bruh I literally spelled out possessive be4 u n u still spelled it wrong 

ashton.wins: That's what makes him so cute.

mikeytomyheart: Ugh can you guys go have your Valentine's Day sex already

ashton.wins: That's a thing?

luke_is_a_penguin: duuuuh let's go have our v day like mikey so kindly suggested 

calumthehoodlum: Pretty sure he was Joking

mikeytomyheart: I was joking oof

luke_is_a_penguin: yikes i'm still taking it seriously! bye guys

ashton.wins: Bye, guys? Later.

mikeytomyheart: later hoes

calumthehoodlum: ciao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I'm just going to try to update whenever I can instead now of trying to rush things and write crappy chapters just for the sake of updating every night. I hope that this will improve the quality of the writing but this is why I didn't update last night, if you were wondering. Thanks for understanding; you're all truly the best.


	19. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT4–is Malum done forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part of the story takes place a day after Valentine's Day. You might've noticed that Malum's been typecast as a somewhat toxic on-off relationship and Lashton's been typecast as just the opposite of that—however, I'm planning to challenge these typecast relationships and explore their roles a bit more as the "toxic" relationship and "perfect" relationship (aka the Do and Don't relationship). This is just a bit of warning that I wanted to put out there BEFORE this chapter!

luke_is_a_penguin: r u a cigarette

calumthehoodlum: who, Me? i don't think so fucker 

luke_is_a_penguin: no—

mikeytomyheart: Calum does smoke so I wouldn't be surprised if you were talking about him

calumthehoodlum: no I don't 

mikeytomyheart: Yes you do  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: hey everybody! That's photoshop 

mikeytomyheart: Why the fuck would I take time out of my day to photoshop a cigarette into your hand

calumthehoodlum: Idk but u sure have time to look at pictures of me that u still have saved in ur phone

mikeytomyheart: Just because you're being a douchebag rn, that doesn't mean I don't miss you 

luke_is_a_penguin: um u guys were literally together yesterday 

luke_is_a_penguin: ...what's going on

luke_is_a_penguin: please don't say it's what i think it is

mikeytomyheart: Calum broke up with me.

calumthehoodlum: it was a mutual Breakup

mikeytomyheart: Like hell it was

mikeytomyheart: YOU were the one who said you "couldn't do this anymore"

calumthehoodlum: You Agreed!

mikeytomyheart: What was I supposed to say...no? You already had your mind made up

luke_is_a_penguin: NO

luke_is_a_penguin: MY LIFE IS OVER

luke_is_a_penguin: FUCK U GUYS

luke_is_a_penguin: GET BACK TOGETHER

luke_is_a_penguin: HAVE MAKEUP SEX AND CUDDLE AFTERWARD

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: im going tofucking die at a young age n it's gonna be bc of u guys 

calumthehoodlum: Idc

ashton.wins: You guys are clearly miserable without each other so I don't see why you can't just stay together...you break up after every minuscule fight.

mikeytomyheart: Oh and your relationship is SOOO perfect?????

ashton.wins: No, but at least Lukey and I don't break up after every single argument...

calumthehoodlum: we get It, u guys r perfect n we're not

calumthehoodlum: Well i still don't Care!

ashton.wins: We're not perfect...just able to resolve our issues.

luke_is_a_penguin: i hate u

ashton.wins: I love you.

luke_is_a_penguin: omfg i meant to @ that to calum

ashton.wins: See! Problem resolved.

mikeytomyheart: Fucking annoying headass

ashton.wins: Do I need to kick you out of the house? I don't want to be living with Wednesday Addams.

luke_is_a_penguin: i feel ugly for this but...who?

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: oh nvm i would know that pale frosty the snowman looking ass bitch anywhere 

mikeytomyheart: Kick me out Ashton I don't give a fuck

luke_is_a_penguin: ...

calumthehoodlum: ...

ashton.wins: Oh, really? Who are you going to live with, Luke?

mikeytomyheart: Anything's better than you

luke_is_a_penguin: um i think there's something important that ur forgetting

mikeytomyheart: WHAT

ashton.wins: You're going to move in with my boyfriend and your EX? The stupidity jumped out!

mikeytomyheart: ...Fuck you

calumthehoodlum: YOU CANT FUCKING TELL ME SHIT LIKE THAT ANYMORE

luke_is_a_penguin: that's not what he meant i—

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

ashton.wins: What was your pun that you wanted to tell me earlier?

luke_is_a_penguin: O RIGHT LMFAO THANKS FOR REMINDING ME ILY

luke_is_a_penguin: u a cigarette?

luke_is_a_penguin: cuz u take my breath away :)

ashton.wins: Oh, baby...

luke_is_a_penguin: what??

ashton.wins: You're so lame lol.

luke_is_a_penguin: no u

ashton.wins: It's cute! You're cute! 

luke_is_a_penguin: stawwwhp ur gonna make me blush 

ashton.wins: My baby. ;))

luke_is_a_penguin: YOURS

ashton.wins: Love you the mostest! 

luke_is_a_penguin: :))))))))

luke_is_a_penguin: so do u think...

ashton.wins: ...That they really broke up? I think they did.

luke_is_a_penguin: u read my mind wow  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: but bitch im so mad @ malum like ARE THEY TRYING TO MESS UP MY LIFE

ashton.wins: Oh my god.

luke_is_a_penguin: yeah babe???

ashton.wins: My mom sent you that picture of me above, right?

luke_is_a_penguin: well duh silly lol who else would i get it from

ashton.wins: I'm going to kill my mom!

luke_is_a_penguin: oh no .. :(

ashton.wins: Baby, I'm kidding lol! You're so cute.

ashton.wins: I just mean that she needs to stop sending you pictures of me when I was younger for you to turn into memes!

luke_is_a_penguin: yeah but they're really funny  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: I hate you! :(

luke_is_a_penguin: not all the pictures she sends are THAT bad lmfao some are really cute  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: These are so ugly—

ashton.wins: When did she even take these pictures? The ugliness is astounding...

luke_is_a_penguin: BABE I STG IF U DONT SHUT UP

luke_is_a_penguin: u were so fucking cute

ashton.wins: Hold on a second.

luke_is_a_penguin: lol k

ashton.wins: Alright, I'm back.  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: shit u texted my mom didn't u 

ashton.wins: You were cute! And still are.

luke_is_a_penguin: ok ok but i get ur point n will try not to make u into more memes lol

luke_is_a_penguin: if u were anyone but my bf i would prolly not listen to u

ashton.wins: Good to know! Love you! Thank you!

luke_is_a_penguin: hey! i! love! you! so! fucking! much!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok ok but enough small talk let's add malum back bc i want to slap the shit out of those bitches

ashton.wins: I love you too! And ok, I'll do that haha. :)

\+ ashton.wins has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

Error: 'calumthehoodlum' could not be added to the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: what the fuck

mikeytomyheart: Calum blocked the group chat bc he knew you would try to add us back and he's not really in the mood

luke_is_a_penguin: let me steal his phone brb

ashton.wins: What happened, Mikey? Did you talk to him? Are you back together?

mikeytomyheart: I don't think we're getting back together for a long time. Probably never 

luke_is_a_penguin: U SAID PROBABLY SO IT COULD STILL HAPPEN

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum to the chat. 

calumthehoodlum: we're not getting Back together

luke_is_a_penguin: no shit sherlock that's what u said when i just asked u

luke_is_a_penguin: idk tho mikey said u might get back together soon enough

mikeytomyheart: ...I didn't say that

luke_is_a_penguin: u didn't say never tho

mikeytomyheart: Whatever

calumthehoodlum: We're not together right now. Please stop Bugging us about it

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm sad now fuck :(

ashton.wins: Me too. :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I ended this chapter on a different note than the other chapters and I'm sorry for that haha! I know Malum isn't the main pairing of this story but they've kind of stolen my heart and I wanted to create a bigger storyline for them that revolves around more than them being the stereotypical toxic background relationship. Things will hopefully work out between them in the next few chapters! Thanks for reading and until next time! x


	20. Cashew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT4 but dealing with the aftermath of Malum’s breakup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a time lapse of two weeks from the last chapter, so it's now towards the end of February! :)

mikeytomyheart: Hello to my fellow friends

calumthehoodlum: hi!!!! :)

luke_is_a_penguin: aww did i CASHEW u guys in a romantic sweet moment rn??!

mikeytomyheart: He just said hi wtf

ashton.wins: Sounded like more a suggestive hi rather than friendly hi.

ashton.wins: That's how Luke talked to me when he first started messaging me...

calumthehoodlum: ...

ashton.wins: But what do I know, right? It's not like I've ever had a relationship with someone who sends me romantic "hi!!!! :)"'s—oh, wait...I have!

mikeytomyheart: Ashton stop we're just friends 

luke_is_a_penguin: that's what ash said before we got together oops lmao

mikeytomyheart: Can you guys stop? It's been two weeks and we're not getting back together

calumthehoodlum: I love you

luke_is_a_penguin: wha—

ashton.wins: What???

mikeytomyheart: What

calumthehoodlum: I MEAN 

calumthehoodlum: FUCK THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

calumthehoodlum: I MEANT TO SAY I LIKE YOU GUYS BUT UR BEING TOO INVASIVE

calumthehoodlum: BUT IT AUTOCORRECTED TO LOVE

calumthehoodlum: AND I ACCIDENTALLY SENT THE MESSAGE TOO EARLY

calumthehoodlum: I

calumthehoodlum: FUCK FUCK FUCK

luke_is_a_penguin: lmfao that's such an elaborate lie  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: I can't see the person in the meme? Where is he?

luke_is_a_penguin: HAHAHAHA

calumthehoodlum: i Don't get it??

mikeytomyheart: Aw baby lol it's just a joke with John Cena

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: oh wow 

luke_is_a_penguin: oh wOW

mikeytomyheart: What??

calumthehoodlum: you called me Baby

calumthehoodlum: You know You can't call me that anymore, Mikey...

mikeytomyheart: Then you can't call me Mikey

calumthehoodlum: are you Serious?? You're being such a Brat right now

luke_is_a_penguin: does he get spanked for that

luke_is_a_penguin: ooo kinky sex my fav

ashton.wins: Lukey, I love you but it's not the time!

calumthehoodlum: whatever MICHAEL is being a fucking ass right now

mikeytomyheart: It's not my fault that I called you baby! It just slipped out

calumthehoodlum: so it's MY fault????what the fuck is wrong w U

mikeytomyheart: Sorry that I'm not over you

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

calumthehoodlum: wait what

\+ calumthehoodlum has added mikeytomyheart into the chat.

Error: 'mikeytomyheart' could not be added to the chat.

ashton.wins: He blocked the group.

calumthehoodlum: no shit sherlock 

calumthehoodlum: he blocked me individually 2. Thanks a lot guys

luke_is_a_penguin: how is this OUR fault?

calumthehoodlum: Lets just Say that we were fiNe before u guys kept pestering us

luke_is_a_penguin: hold up

luke_is_a_penguin: don't put all your drama with your boyfriend or whatever he is on ME.

ashton.wins: Calum, you and Mikey clearly have some unresolved issues. It's not our fault that brought out some repressed feelings today.

calumthehoodlum: i see ur Point but I don't feel like talking to Yall rn. U just had Mikey block me when we were finally beginning to be friends

luke_is_a_penguin: um he just said he wasn't over u dumb bitch

ashton.wins: Lukey! 

ashton.wins: Listen, I can't promise anything but...I will talk to Mikey when he stops crying and comes out of his room...

calumthehoodlum: he's cRYING???

calumthehoodlum: Shit I'm coming over there

ashton.wins: That's probably not a good idea...

luke_is_a_penguin: too late, he's already in the car

ashton.wins: You didn't try to...stop him or anything?

luke_is_a_penguin: bitch he woulda thrown another case of fiji water bottles @ me...he's literally bought like ten thousand cases since he and mikey broke up smh

luke_is_a_penguin: also sTØP  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Babe. Lol I'm coming over to yours since I don't want to be here when Calum comes over.

luke_is_a_penguin: king king king i love you king king king

ashton.wins: I will never get over your reactions when I say I'm coming over haha.

ashton.wins: I love you, too. See you in a few, baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: <3

-

\+ calumthehoodlum has added mikeytomyheart to the chat.

mikeytomyheart: Hello

ashton.wins: Are you okay?

mikeytomyheart: Yeah

mikeytomyheart: It's fine 

luke_is_a_penguin: is malum back?

calumthehoodlum: No

calumthehoodlum: But uh

calumthehoodlum: We're taking some time apart

luke_is_a_penguin: weren't u already doing that

calumthehoodlum: I mean as friends. Taking time apart as Friends

luke_is_a_penguin: oh

mikeytomyheart: Yeah we just need to think about things and that's all

ashton.wins: Damn, this feels like my own relationship is ending.

luke_is_a_penguin: exscuzzle me, i'm right here

ashton.wins: "exscuzzle"

luke_is_a_penguin: ...this is vv sad tho

luke_is_a_penguin: why'd y'all have to go n break my heart like that wtf

mikeytomyheart: Um...there's one more thing.

ashton.wins: Yes?

luke_is_a_penguin: woe is me, i fear that my heart shall no longer be able to withstand added sorrow

calumthehoodlum: aRe you fucking shakespeare 

luke_is_a_penguin: a) i'm a bottom, i don't do the fucking n b) that boi is dead

calumthehoodlum: not what i Meant!!

mikeytomyheart: ...

mikeytomyheart: Cal and I won't be here in the following chapter

ashton.wins: Chapter? We're not in a book lol.

mikeytomyheart: Sorry that was really weird...I meant to write weeks not chapter

mikeytomyheart: But we'll be back on saint patrick's day 

luke_is_a_penguin: why??

calumthehoodlum: We Decided it's best if we leave the group chat so no more ..Outbursts happen

mikeytomyheart: Yeah

ashton.wins: Oh, okay. I hope you guys find your happiness. Even if it's not with each other.

luke_is_a_penguin: am i dating oprah?

luke_is_a_penguin: n i'm sorry but if they're not happy w each other then i'm going to fucking kill who ever is writing their story

ashton.wins: Why do you keep talking like we're in a story? We determine our own fate!

luke_is_a_penguin: i was kidding ofmsnskks n u call me a drama kween??

ashton.wins: I'm stressed...

luke_is_a_penguin: bitch me 2 da fuck

mikeytomyheart: Well

luke_is_a_penguin: well go on n leave bitches

luke_is_a_penguin: see ya in 2 weeks mike

ashton.wins: (picture attached of mike wazowski)

luke_is_a_penguin: babe stop lmfao

ashton.wins: DILL with it!

luke_is_a_penguin: isn't your attitude...just...PEACHY today 

luke_is_a_penguin: like wow i taught u well

mikeytomyheart: Guys! We're leaving

ashton.wins: See you in two weeks, Calum.

calumthehoodlum: bYe

mikeytomyheart: Bye.

\+ mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum have left the chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I think my chapters are lowkey getting shorter and shorter—I need to up my game! Sorry, guys! And sorry if Malum is causing you stress! I hate it too, but it definitely adds flavor to the story! Also, I've noticed that my pun use is slowly decreasing so I'll try to add more in the next chapter (which will be entirely Lashton-centric so that we can delve more into the inner workings of their relationship). Anyways, until next time...x


	21. Appendix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Lashton-centric chapter with fluffiness and scheming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's now the beginning of March, March 1st to be exact!

luke_is_a_penguin: r u my appendix

luke_is_a_penguin: bc like 

luke_is_a_penguin: i have this feeling in my gut that tells me i need 2 take u out 2day

ashton.wins: BABE LMFAO!

ashton.wins: I shouldn't be laughing...

luke_is_a_penguin: but u r  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Wait a minute...Luke, send me the entire picture!

luke_is_a_penguin: that is the full picture?

ashton.wins: Baby.

luke_is_a_penguin: oh who am i kidding, i can't lie to u

luke_is_a_penguin: but u'll yell @ me if i send u the full pic!!

ashton.wins: Why would I yell at you?

luke_is_a_penguin: bc u yelled @ me last week for using that picture as a reaction...

ashton.wins: Oh my god.

ashton.wins: Lukey! Send me the picture!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok geez dadddddy

ashton.wins: OH MY GOD.

ashton.wins: Just send the picture!

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: LUKE ROBERT HEMMINGS! You have such a jet black heart for using that picture yet again.

ashton.wins: I hate you so much.

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u soooo much

luke_is_a_penguin: i will give u da good succ™️ if u forgive me 

luke_is_a_penguin: pls king i promise to never use it again

ashton.wins: Are you seriously...bribing me...with...blowjobs?

luke_is_a_penguin: shhh this is a vv discreet one time offer/deal

ashton.wins: Babe, it's not that big of a deal lol.

ashton.wins: I forgive you with or without a blowjob! But only if you stop using that picture! Thank you!

luke_is_a_penguin: ofc ofc 

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll give u da good succ™️ anyways 4 being such a nice bf 

ashton.wins: Lol okay.

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll come over when calum starts throwing fiji water bottles

ashton.wins: He's still doing that?

luke_is_a_penguin: yea idk why he n calum took time to "think" when they clearly want each other

ashton.wins: Don't you think their relationship is a bit weird?

luke_is_a_penguin: yea but only bc they break up over petty things...if they can get over that then they'll be fine lmao

luke_is_a_penguin: also calum was crying after he left the group chat and he was in a sad phase but now he's in his water bottle throwing phase

luke_is_a_penguin: i think he's mad but idk y he's throwing the bottles in MY room!!!

ashton.wins: Is he throwing them at YOU?

luke_is_a_penguin: nah but he thinks it's funny that im mad bc his water bottles are all over my room

luke_is_a_penguin: this is how i feel picking up his fucking fiji water bottles  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: It is kind of funny...

ashton.wins: At least he's behaving better than Mikey.

luke_is_a_penguin: he must be rly bad if he's worse than calum

ashton.wins: He yelled at me for an hour for playing 'Best Song Ever' in the kitchen (even though it's an uplifting, happy song) but now he's playing all their sad songs at full volume in his room!

luke_is_a_penguin: what songs??

ashton.wins: Where Do Broken Hearts Go, Loved You First, 18, You and I, Love You Goodbye and History. At least, those seem to be the songs he's putting on repeat.

luke_is_a_penguin: r u fucking kidding me

luke_is_a_penguin: i think malum has a 1d playlist n they're playing the same sad songs from that playlist

luke_is_a_penguin: that's the only logical explanation!

ashton.wins: I'm sure it's not the ONLY logical explanation...

luke_is_a_penguin: BABE

luke_is_a_penguin: CAL HAS LITERALLY BEEN LISTENING TO THE SAME SONGS

ashton.wins: That's kind of weird...

luke_is_a_penguin: they're officially soulmates wow it's been #confirmed

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: You're definitely the Harry to my Liam in that picture.

luke_is_a_penguin: bitchjsnsjsbsj

luke_is_a_penguin: ik u said not to interfere but they're so in love but so oblivious...babe we gotta help them out

ashton.wins: No! Fate will do its thing, but only if you leave it alone.

luke_is_a_penguin: what if fate WANTS US to help 

ashton.wins: I don't know...

luke_is_a_penguin: ok i'll make a compromise

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll talk to calum but u don't have to talk 2 michael if u don't want 2...fate will "help" him i guess

ashton.wins: I'm still sure that this will end up in disaster but I do love you and your crazy ideas so...okay.

luke_is_a_penguin: ur totally getting the BEST succ™️ of ur life  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll make sure to preheat my oven b4 u come over today bc ur going in me raw ;))

ashton.wins: I'M CHOKING—

ashton.wins: LUKE, OH MY GOD.

ashton.wins: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

luke_is_a_penguin: gah damn ur like the SAT

luke_is_a_penguin: bc i feel like doing u 4 four hours straight with small breaks 4 food in between

ashton.wins: I—

luke_is_a_penguin: shhh don't say anything

luke_is_a_penguin: your body language says EVERYTHING i need 2 know n it's telling me that u like my stupid puns ;))

ashton.wins: I'm not getting hot and bothered by your puns, LUKE!

luke_is_a_penguin: i never said that u were getting hot n bothered...just said that u liked my puns oomph

luke_is_a_penguin: #exposed

ashton.wins: I really did myself dirty like that...fuck.  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: now i know that my puns get u horny

ashton.wins: Not true! They're just extremely cute...

luke_is_a_penguin: extremely sexy

ashton.wins: No comment?

luke_is_a_penguin: i'd like to comment on ur face

luke_is_a_penguin: u have an extremely kissable face that also looks super cool on the eyes

ashton.wins: Thanks, your face is also super cool on the eyes?

ashton.wins: You're such a dork haha. I love you.

luke_is_a_penguin: i knoooow that u love me lol i love u 2 loser

ashton.wins: The love story of our generation. Two straight losers who fell deeply in love with each other.

luke_is_a_penguin: like call me by your name except our story would be called call me by your name, BRO

ashton.wins: Call Me By Your Name is QUAKING.

luke_is_a_penguin: <4

luke_is_a_penguin: *<3

ashton.wins: *<4

luke_is_a_penguin: <4

ashton.wins: <4

luke_is_a_penguin: it's like a heart x 4

ashton.wins: Yeah, cuz I got HELLA FEELINGS 4 U.

luke_is_a_penguin: BLACKBEAR OMG

luke_is_a_penguin: how i have been dating u 4 over 4 months now n didn't know u were into blackbear??? idfc is my SHIT and now i love u 100000x more wowowow

ashton.wins: You are SUCH a nerd, now I love you 10000x more.

luke_is_a_penguin: xxx

ashton.wins: Is this an invitation to create a sex tape for Pornhub?

luke_is_a_penguin: u know i didn't mean it that way smh!!

luke_is_a_penguin: *xx

ashton.wins: Love you, dork. Xx

luke_is_a_penguin: :) xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I don't really know what to write for this end note but thank you guys for all the hits that this story is getting! I'm excited to write the next chapter and hope to see you all there! Until next time...x


	22. Cooler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lashton fluff with a grumpy Calum who comes in during a shocking confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time lapse to a week from the end of the last chapter!

luke_is_a_penguin: im convinced that ur a cooler

ashton.wins: Evidence?

luke_is_a_penguin: u da coolest person i know ;)

ashton.wins: You dork! ;)

ashton.wins: You know what's not cool, though?

luke_is_a_penguin: woT

ashton.wins: You not updating me on what happened with Calum! That's not cool, baby! What's going on with all that? Is he still upset with Mikey?

luke_is_a_penguin: well he's not upset, per-say 

luke_is_a_penguin: but he said he still needs to take a week to "think about things"

luke_is_a_penguin: but he did say that he'll talk to us in the gc if mikey's not here :/

ashton.wins: Oh. Well, I kind of broke my promise. I DID talk to Mikey. 

luke_is_a_penguin: aaand??

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: Warn me before you send me cute ass pictures of yourself! But baby, this isn't about you lol (as much as I love talking about you).

ashton.wins: But...there was a lot of crying. I kind of have a bombshell to drop, although I'm not sure if it's REALLY a bombshell.

ashton.wins: I'll type it all for you.

luke_is_a_penguin: k babe

luke_is_a_penguin: imma go get a snack n then do something when i come back but u can keep writing ur thing out

-

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum to the chat.

ashton.wins: Mikey admitted that he's still in love with Calum (which we all know)...but he's like...IMMENSELY in love with him. He brought out the whole "love of my life" spiel—think of The Notebook type of romance. He literally loves him to death and maybe, I don't know, is so in love with him that he'd marry him in a heartbeat? It's fucked up and he knows they have their problems but Luke, he really loves Calum and wants to figure this out so hopefully you can talk to Calum and get him to talk to Mikey?

ashton.wins: Oh shit, did you seriously just add Calum?

luke_is_a_penguin: i—

luke_is_a_penguin: well now he knows the truth lmfoaisid 

ashton.wins: Luke, it's not funny!!!

calumthehoodlum: :(

calumthehoodlum: Ashton, i feel like we haven't talked in a long time...I'm sorry

ashton.wins: It's okay, Calum! I get it.

ashton.wins: You've been ignoring Mikey, therefore choosing to ignore me, as well. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: ash...

luke_is_a_penguin: be nice babe

ashton.wins: Okay, okay! I'll play nice. Hello, Calum Hood. Nice to be crossing paths with you, again.

luke_is_a_penguin: i said be nice not awkward!!!!!!!

ashton.wins: Hello, Calum.

ashton.wins: Is that better?

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh it's a start but we both know ur being awkward on purpose 

calumthehoodlum: uh Well I'm sorry for not talking to you Guys, it's just been really hard

calumthehoodlum: Is all that u said b4 True? mikey really said All that??? About me???

ashton.wins: No, I'm lying, because I totally typed that all out as a joke since I KNEW Luke was adding you beforehand.

luke_is_a_penguin: ASH STOP IT SKSKSJ

luke_is_a_penguin: ur being mean again!!!!!!!!!

calumthehoodlum: r u Serious

ashton.wins: *Sirius.

luke_is_a_penguin: a harry potter stan? I STAN

calumthehoodlum: wot

ashton.wins: (picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: THATS IT IM BREAKING UP W U BYE

ashton.wins: But you can't!

luke_is_a_penguin: why not ..give me 1 good reason

ashton.wins: 1) I love you! :)

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck i guess i love u 2

luke_is_a_penguin: lashton love is soooo powerful lol u make me a better man bc of ur love!

ashton.wins: Our ship name is so powerful, too. Your ingenuity makes me a better man.

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh, ur mind! i stan ur hot ass mind like wow ur so sweet

ashton.wins: BABE.

luke_is_a_penguin: BABE

luke_is_a_penguin: im coming over later 2day btw

ashton.wins: Of course you'll be coming. ;)

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: Your hair, haha!

luke_is_a_penguin: i remember when u used to be so innocent but now i've corrupted u wow ily what a man  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: So you're really going to do me dirty like that with my OWN picture? Okay.  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll do u dirty in more ways that 1 ;))

ashton.wins: ONE DIRECTION!  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: Zayn doesn't deserve to be There 

luke_is_a_penguin: SHUT UP U CANT JJSR CRUSH MY CHILDJOOD DREAMS LIKE THAT U FUCKING LOSER I HATE YOU SKSKMKUCH

luke_is_a_penguin: jk

calumthehoodlum: so Am I just going to be ignored about my Earlier question Or

luke_is_a_penguin: lol yeah ashton was being sirius b4

ashton.wins: Haha!

calumthehoodlum: i think u didn't spell serious right but Thanks

luke_is_a_penguin: WATER u planning to do w this info??

calumthehoodlum: uh

luke_is_a_penguin: aw cal don't be a BEACH abt it

calumthehoodlum: im going to text mikey . add me back later 

ashton.wins: Yay! He'll be really happy to hear that, Cal.

luke_is_a_penguin: SEA u later

calumthehoodlum: see u later 2??

luke_is_a_penguin: lol we'll KETCHUP l8r

\+ calumthehoodlum left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: this bitch doesn't get it

ashton.wins: Nah, I think he DOES get your puns but he's in a crappy mood. A month ago, he would've been joking around with you, too.

luke_is_a_penguin: this is literally how's he been for the past two weeks uH

ashton.wins: Don't you think it's normal to behave this way?

luke_is_a_penguin: NO!!!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: if we broke up, i would not be bitching n moaning n crying over u like calum 

ashton.wins: You wouldn't be sad if we broke up? Are you serious?

luke_is_a_penguin: i didn't say that

ashton.wins: You said you wouldn't be bitching and moaning and crying over me. I'm pretty sure that equates to not being sad over me.

luke_is_a_penguin: i said i wouldn't be actin like calum 

ashton.wins: Can't you be a bit more sympathetic?

luke_is_a_penguin: sorry i find it hard 2 be sympathetic when he's been like this 24/7. u don't live him. i do

ashton.wins: Have you forgotten the fact that I live with Mikey, who's still insanely in love with your best friend and heartbroken over it?

luke_is_a_penguin: didn't realize that this was a competition over whose best friend is feeling worse..

ashton.wins: I'm sorry but please try to see Cal's side of things. You and I both know you wouldn't be acting much different if you and I had suddenly broken up a week ago.

ashton.wins: I love you.

ashton.wins: We can talk more when you get here but I really think that we should be nice to Mikey and Calum while they figure things out. The last thing they need is us being jackasses to them.

ashton.wins: Oh, also: I love you.

luke_is_a_penguin: u already said that babe lol i love you too

luke_is_a_penguin: & i'm sorry too. im kinda being a bitch to cal n idk y but ur right 

luke_is_a_penguin: love makes me soft

ashton.wins: Love also makes you look really, really cute in my eyes. And adorable. And hot. And sexy. Like insanely sexy. 

ashton.wins: You're kinda amazing in general and really got me thinking about marrying you in the future.

ashton.wins: Was that too forward?

luke_is_a_penguin: LOL it's not too forward i wanna marry ur cute ass IN THE FUTURE 2 :)

ashton.wins: I love you, Luke.

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u 2 ashton :)<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I'm so sorry for not updating sooner but I've been insanely busy these past few days and couldn't find the time to finish this chapter (I started writing it three nights ago but fell asleep and didn't come back to it until today...). Thank you guys as always for not only reading this but being patient with me and my weird posting schedule. I don't want to say that I "promise" to keep updating back-to-back because then I'll feel obligated and stressed out to update night after night but I will try my best to update as closely as possible from chapter to chapter. Again, thank you guys for sticking with me on this story through thick and thin. I love this community and you're all such wonderful people. <3
> 
> P.S. Not sure if anyone here follows BROCKHAMPTON (and thus will know who I'm talking about) but happy birthday, Joba. August 5th, 2018. I wish you the happiest of birthdays even though the odds of you stumbling across this story are minimal. <3


	23. Pi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Ashton playfully banter until the conversation diverts to Malum—both of whom are eventually added into the conversation, leaving the chapter on a cliffhanger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time lapse to...as you may have already guessed from the title...March 14th! If you don't already know the significance of this date, you'll find out very soon!

luke_is_a_penguin: hey babe

luke_is_a_penguin: first of all i love waking up next to u like wow ur beauty never fails to astound me uM how is it even legal for a human being 2 be this insanely beautiful i—

luke_is_a_penguin: but anyways ur not awake yet n i would've wrote u a note but i can't find ur pens sooo

luke_is_a_penguin: pls don't feel bad

luke_is_a_penguin: i would've stayed w u but cal rly needs me rn...

luke_is_a_penguin: he n mikey still haven't figured their shit out n he needs a friend??? i hope u understand n i'll come over later 2day

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u

-

ashton.wins: Oh my god. Luke, you're such a drama queen lol you're acting as if you cheated on me or something.

luke_is_a_penguin: well  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: BABE, THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

ashton.wins: Fuck you omg.

luke_is_a_penguin: i'd like that ;))

luke_is_a_penguin: also ur ACUTE TEA PI

ashton.wins: STOP.

ashton.wins: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND IT'LL ONLY GET WORSE IF I ENCOURAGE YOU!

luke_is_a_penguin: gimme a SLICE of dat ass ;))

luke_is_a_penguin: i bet it tastes BERRY good like PI

ashton.wins: I've never regretted dating you more than I do in this very moment...

luke_is_a_penguin: aw babe let's be RATIONAL abt this

ashton.wins: That's a math joke, I don't like you!

ashton.wins: And yes, I get it! 

luke_is_a_penguin: come over and have some PI, won't you?

ashton.wins: I hate you.

ashton.wins: I know why you're doing this.

ashton.wins: I hate National Pi Day.

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u 2

ashton.wins: I GUESS I love you too. Nerd.

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: BITNCIDJEOSJSOSKS

ashton.wins: Don't do him dirty like that!

luke_is_a_penguin: why would i do him dirty, we all know harry gets jealous easily

luke_is_a_penguin: also he'd be the one doing me dirty soz x

ashton.wins: I'm going to fuck your brains out.

luke_is_a_penguin: WELL THEN

luke_is_a_penguin: the jealous gay jumped out!

ashton.wins: I MEANT TO SAY THAT IN MY HEAD I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THAT I TYPED IT OUT AND HIT SEND SEE I CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION PROPERLY ENOUGH TO TYPE A PROPER SENTENCE WITH LITTLE TO NO GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: You have GOT to be kidding me.

ashton.wins: SKAM, right? That's one of my favorite shows...ugh, your mind!

luke_is_a_penguin: evak is the relationship i aspire to have

ashton.wins: Babe, we're better than Evak.

luke_is_a_penguin: r we rly tho

ashton.wins: Yes, lol we didn't spend a million years denying our gayness for each other?

luke_is_a_penguin: hmmmmm

luke_is_a_penguin: "Thanks, but I'm straight."

ashton.wins: ...

luke_is_a_penguin: "Luke, right? I'm straight."

ashton.wins: Stop teasing me! I pretended to be straight for like one day and I even confessed that I was gay along, afterwards!

luke_is_a_penguin: idk i think i turned u gay

luke_is_a_penguin: or maybe ur jus gay 4 me

ashton.wins: Nope, pretty sure I'm gay for everyone.

luke_is_a_penguin: HOLD THE FUCK UP NO UR NOT

luke_is_a_penguin: ur gay 4 me n only me thanks 4 coming to my TED talk k bye  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: You will literally use ANY excuse to send a picture of yourself.

ashton.wins: But God, you're cute when you're mad.

luke_is_a_penguin: im not mad it's a PERFECTLYNORMAL picture

ashton.wins: You're so calm that you put the words perfectly and normal together...literate king!

luke_is_a_penguin: fkdjskskdksks

ashton.wins: Anyway, how'd things go with Calum?

luke_is_a_penguin: *anygay

ashton.wins: Lukey!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok ok alright

luke_is_a_penguin: he's fucking whipped 4 mikey except he's too much of a dumbass to go tell mikey that

ashton.wins: Damn, and we only got like three more days before they officially announce whether they're broken up or back together FOR GOOD...

ashton.wins: They're our friends and I want them to be happy but they're obviously not happy being away from each other.

luke_is_a_penguin: agreed!

luke_is_a_penguin: ...i have news

ashton.wins: You're pregnant?

luke_is_a_penguin: YES AND UR NOT THE FATHER

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: omg the office

luke_is_a_penguin: parks n rec is better tho

ashton.wins: SHUT UP, NO IT'S NOT!

ashton.wins: The Office is the original Parks and Rec so don't even TRY to compare the two!

luke_is_a_penguin: april ludgate is my QUEEN tho  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: she's literally the queen of being a pretty bitch who gets anything she wants

ashton.wins: That's not true!

luke_is_a_penguin: oh lol i forgot to ask, can u order some pizza when i come over 2nite? 

ashton.wins: Of course.

ashton.wins: Wait. Fuck. Okay.

luke_is_a_penguin: and breadsticks? pretty please ???

ashton.wins: No, Lukey! You don't get everything you want!

luke_is_a_penguin: babe pls

ashton.wins: No!

luke_is_a_penguin: daddy

ashton.wins: Okay, whatever, I'll get you your damn breadsticks.

ashton.wins: You're such a princess.

luke_is_a_penguin: n ur my prince in shining armor

ashton.wins: Not gonna lie, that was pretty cute.

ashton.wins: But we're getting off track! What's the news?

luke_is_a_penguin: cal unblocked mikey yesterday but he doesn't know

ashton.wins: Luke! Why didn't you tell me this when you came over last night?

luke_is_a_penguin: well i was gonna but then we started 

luke_is_a_penguin: yanno 

luke_is_a_penguin: doing the frickle frackle 

luke_is_a_penguin: naked

luke_is_a_penguin: in bed

luke_is_a_penguin: w each other

ashton.wins: Jeezus Luke, I get the picture! You can stop now!

luke_is_a_penguin: well u were the 1 who asked me y i didn't tell u yesterday !!

ashton.wins: You're cute.

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh king of giving compliments i love you uwu

ashton.wins: Oh my god.

ashton.wins: *Anygay, should we add those two bitches to the chat?

luke_is_a_penguin: YE

luke_is_a_penguin: i meant to type yes i'm—

ashton.wins: LOL!

\+ ashton.wins has added mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum into the chat.

calumthehoodlum: What the Fuck Luke

mikeytomyheart: Cal unblocked me??

mikeytomyheart: Sorry...*Calum

luke_is_a_penguin: calum ur such a fucking douche he literally feels bad abt calling u CAL...fix this u prideful piece of shit!

ashton.wins: My boyfriend snapped!

ashton.wins: My mans.

ashton.wins: Like wow, you didn't have to snap that hard!

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u 2 lol but this isn't abt us

calumthehoodlum: you can call me Cal, mikey...

mikeytomyheart: Sorry I just don't want to slip up and call you a name that I'm not supposed to like last time...Calum

calumthehoodlum: please Call me Cal :((

mikeytomyheart: Why is it so important to you

luke_is_a_penguin: SAY IT BITCH

mikeytomyheart: ???

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm talking to calum lol

mikeytomyheart: About what????

ashton.wins: Calum...tell him why it's important.

calumthehoodlum: this is probably Going to ruin Everything and i hate that Im doing this over Text but i promise to come over after this if u want me 2

luke_is_a_penguin: eeeeeeeeeeeeee

calumthehoodlum: Michael Gordon Clifford (I know you hate your last name but whatever, I think it's cute). I've known you for about 5 months now and I didn't realize it before, but I love everything about you. I love your smile, the way you blush when I talk to you, the way you always hold my hands when we're together like you never want to let go, and the fact that you binge watched all the seasons of AHS with me even though you weren't a fan at first.

luke_is_a_penguin: THIS IS SOME CUTE ASS SHIT

calumthehoodlum: The only thing I hate is when I make you cry or make you feel anything less than special. Because you ARE special and I don't ever want you to think otherwise. You will always be special to me even if I'm not special to you. This could totally fuck up everything or maybe not but love makes me do stupid, totally wild things. I'm in love with you. Completely, utterly, insanely in love with every part of you. 

luke_is_a_penguin: biiiih he even typed in proper sentences 4 u ugh he loves u sm @ mikey 

ashton.wins: Mikey?

mikeytomyheart: I

mikeytomyheart: I don't know what to say

mikeytomyheart: I need to talk to you in person about this I'm sorry I can't do this over text

mikeytomyheart: I

mikeytomyheart: Please come over

mikeytomyheart: We need to talk

mikeytomyheart: Bye

\+ mikeytomyheart has left the chat.

\+ calumthehoodlum has left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: well that went better than expected

ashton.wins: Guess we'll find out what this means for them pretty soon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extra long chapter but I wanted to make up for my lack of posting last week and I hoped you enjoyed (sort of)! I know some of you might be frustrated with Malum, who's been on the rocks for the past few chapters but I PROMISE that we'll find out the official status of their relationship in the next chapter. Thank you guys for bearing with me and being patient. None of this would be possible without your support. <3


	24. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Ashton talk some more on St. Patrick’s Day while also debating the unknown status of Calum and Michael’s relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three day lapse to St. Patrick's Day!

luke_is_a_penguin: r u a leprechaun 

luke_is_a_penguin: bc i'm feeling LUCKY today!

luke_is_a_penguin: n i'm sure u'll be seeing RAINBOWS if i'm LUCKY enough 2 find ur pot o gold ;)

ashton.wins: Luke, oh my god.

ashton.wins: You always seem to have a load of puns for every holiday.

luke_is_a_penguin: i have a LOAD that i want to BLOW on u ;))

ashton.wins: Baby, you HAVE to stop!

luke_is_a_penguin: me when u try to fuck me 4 the 10th time in a day LMAO

luke_is_a_penguin: u freaky as shit :P

ashton.wins: BABY, STOP!

ashton.wins: God, I can't believe we've almost been dating for six months. It's basically already our five month anniversary and next month is six months with you. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: oh my i love u so fucking much 

luke_is_a_penguin: ur hot as hell like i'm surprised @ myself for bagging u

ashton.wins: Bagging me! Am I self-express checkout item at the grocery store?

luke_is_a_penguin: wtf sjsjsjsk no that's not what I meant I LOVE U TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH INFINITELY

ashton.wins: Lol it's not that big of a deal! You ARE the king of apologies, though.

luke_is_a_penguin: my king

ashton.wins: Always. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: 

luke_is_a_penguin: ALWAYS IN MY HEART @HARRY_STYLES   
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: Yours sincerely, Louis

ashton.wins: Fuck, I love the AIMH tweet. ICONIC!

luke_is_a_penguin: iconic like our love

ashton.wins: Smooth!

luke_is_a_penguin: like u sliding ur **** into my ***

ashton.wins: YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SLICK I—

luke_is_a_penguin: u know what else is slick? ur d—nvm

ashton.wins: I hate you!

luke_is_a_penguin: i love you  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: What the fuck.

ashton.wins: God damn.

ashton.wins: MY mans.

ashton.wins: That's MY boyfriend/future husband right there.

ashton.wins: You're so fucking hot.

ashton.wins: And cute as hell.

ashton.wins: Luke, you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now.

luke_is_a_penguin: awwww babe i love u so fucking much

luke_is_a_penguin: u always hype me up sm but i don't even deserve it hbshbshdhd i'm not even the hot one in this relationship 

ashton.wins: Firstly, you're forever and always my man so OF COURSE I'm going to hype your cute ass up. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't show my love for you every single minute of every single day?

ashton.wins: Secondly, you're so fucking hot—beyond what words can even describe. You're literally the hottest guy on the planet! Sorry, but facts are facts.

luke_is_a_penguin: i'm not that hot babe but thanks lol

ashton.wins: Facts are facts! You're hot and I don't want to hear otherwise!

luke_is_a_penguin: ur the best person ever i love u

luke_is_a_penguin: ^ that's me thinking about how much i love u even tho i was only 18 & hadn't met u yet  
(picture attached)

ashton.wins: How would you know you loved me, then?

luke_is_a_penguin: bc we're soulmates dUH i've always loved u bitch  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: see i would've fallen in love w u back then ^ and i feel like i've fallen in love w u in every single lifetime and universe

ashton.wins: I love you. So much.

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u 2

luke_is_a_penguin: UWU

ashton.wins: STOP, OH MY GOD!

luke_is_a_penguin: lmaoooo guess what i just remembered

ashton.wins: Yeah? What'd you remember? ;)

luke_is_a_penguin: nothing kinky gahhhhh now who's the dirty one ?!?!?

luke_is_a_penguin: but uhhhhhh what happened to malum 

ashton.wins: Actually...I don't know.

ashton.wins: They finally stuck to their promise of waiting to tell us what their deal is until today. They've been really secretive about the status of their relationship—I know they hung out at least once but it could've been as just friends or to talk.

luke_is_a_penguin: the only thing that should be hanging out is their dicks 

ashton.wins: I'm going to choke on my food if you keep saying stuff like that!

luke_is_a_penguin: the only person who'll be choking is me when i come over 2nite :((

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll be choking on ur dick, for clairification 

ashton.wins: I don't know whether to be mad that you spelled clarification wrong or laugh because of how awkwardly cute you're being right now...

ashton.wins: I guess I'll laugh!

luke_is_a_penguin: good!!!!!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: i'll add malum to the chat when i come over soon lol

ashton.wins: Okay!

-

\+ luke_is_a_penguin has added calumthehoodlum and mikeytomyheart into the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: TEA! NOW!  
(picture attached) 

ashton.wins: I agree with my boyfriend. Spill the tea?

luke_is_a_penguin: u sound like a local using stan twitter lingo

ashton.wins: Excuse me? Guess who's sleeping on the couch tonight!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: i mean...ur so hot. ugh, ur mind!

calumthehoodlum: lol Yall weird asf

luke_is_a_penguin: UR BACK TOGETHER I KNEW IT I CALLED IT

mikeytomyheart: Uh what lmao

luke_is_a_penguin: fuck i hope u didn't break up again fUCK CALUM SEEMED SO HAPPY RN THO

ashton.wins: I don't know if I'd call that happy...

luke_is_a_penguin: he wasn't throwing a bitch fit so i'd call that happy 

calumthehoodlum: Ok so i know we Said that we'd let u guys know our Relationship Status today

calumthehoodlum: and We are planning to keep that Promise!

calumthehoodlum: The other person in this relationship will tell u guys tho

luke_is_a_penguin: aww ur basically calling him ur other half

mikeytomyheart: So as you all know, Calum said he loved me and we definitely had a long talk about all that and what it meant for us 

mikeytomyheart: It was really hard for us to come to this decision by the way, it wasn't easy

mikeytomyheart: But we had to do what's best for us, even if it's not each other...

luke_is_a_penguin: BITCH

luke_is_a_penguin: SHUT THE FUCK UP IM GOING TO SHUN BOTH OF YOU

ashton.wins: Are you suddenly Amish??? What's with the shunning?

luke_is_a_penguin: I LOVE U AND HAVE A FEELING WE'RE GONNA HAVE ANGRY SEX LATER

ashton.wins: Woah, I'm okay with that.

mikeytomyheart: You didn't let me finish

mikeytomyheart: After talking, Cal and I came to the conclusion that we actually are what's best for each other so

calumthehoodlum: We're back together Bitches

luke_is_a_penguin: nvm ash i guess we're having happy sex later

ashton.wins: Yay! 

calumthehoodlum: i have a ton of pics to show Yall (if u want) from the past three days 

luke_is_a_penguin: WDYM IF WE WANT

luke_is_a_penguin: BITCH FEED US THE CUTE PICTURES THAT U AND UR BOYFRIEND TOOK OF EACH OTHER

mikeytomyheart: Hehe boyfriend

calumthehoodlum: BOYFRIEND

calumthehoodlum: Anyways we talked and played Music on the 15th

calumthehoodlum: (picture attached x 2) 

mikeymyheart: Luv u 

mikeytomyheart: We also went to the park yesterday after Cal redid my roots and after we went to this pottery shop 

ashton.wins: Pottery shop?

calumthehoodlum: Mikey took the cutest Fucking pictures of hiMself there

calumthehoodlum: (picture attached x 2)

calumthehoodlum: And here's the Park pics...we also took a Ferry  
(picture attached x 2)

calumthehoodlum: My boyfriend is so PreTTy

mikeytomyheart: But not as pretty as you  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: i'M so Ugly what

mikeytomyheart: *cute *hot *sexy *pretty *beautiful *amazing *the best boyfriend ever

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh my fav couple ever besides me n ash bc we're obv #1

calumthehoodlum: LOL, that's lowkey insulting but I love you Man & thanks 4 sticking w Me even thru the Bitchiness

luke_is_a_penguin: <3

ashton.wins: My favorite bromance.

mikeytomyheart: ^

calumthehoodlum: oH also the dye washed out of Mikey's hair bc apparently im not a professional hair Artist so idk how to do shit

ashton.wins: "Hair artist"...

luke_is_a_penguin: IM SCREAMING LMFAO

mikeytomyheart: Awh it's cute tho let him live

calumthehoodlum: I also found out how cute mikey's dog is  
(picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: oh And Mikey's pretty cute too ig 

luke_is_a_penguin: i love his dog omg we need to have a double date w u guys @ mikey n ashton's house

mikeytomyheart: So...a regular hangout

ashton.wins: Shhh, let him call it a double date if he wants to!

mikeytomyheart: okay okay let's have the double date next month on your guys' six month anniversary thing

luke_is_a_penguin: we're not hanging out b4 then??

mikeytomyheart: We will lol but cal wants us all to go to your house and the theatre & etc

luke_is_a_penguin: oh ok!

calumthehoodlum: oK

ashton.wins: Ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> This chapter might seem longer than previous chapters (don't worry, you're not crazy—it's sligthly longer) but that's because it's the SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER (the next chapter will take place a month after this chapter, serving as closure and providing an open ending for the anniversary of Lashton's six months together)! 
> 
> Guys, I am so excited to end this story next chapter because with every end comes a new beginning!!! Seriously, though, I am so grateful to each and every one of you who has read this story and continually supported me in the beginning of my journey through both platforms that I’ve posted this story in (Wattpad and ao3) whether that be by leaving a nice comment, voting, following me, or even just taking the time to read a part of this story. Every read counts and I'm so lucky to have had the opportunity to write this for you guys. I'll save the more sappy stuff for the next (last) chapter (I know, how much more sappy can I get?) but I want to thank you guys for sticking with me this long. :)


	25. Latte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time lapse to April 28th aka Lashton's six month anniversary. :)

luke_is_a_penguin: hey bitches wassup

ashton.wins: We're on our way to your house, right now!  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: that's actually a really good pic i might post that later lol thanks

ashton.wins: You always look beautiful—it's impossible to NOT take a good picture of you.

luke_is_a_penguin: ur the sweetest wow i love u sooooooo much wow

luke_is_a_penguin: just WOW

calumthehoodlum: shoot Um

calumthehoodlum: We're at the Park right now lol i forgot Yall were coming over 4 lunch

calumthehoodlum: (picture attached) 

luke_is_a_penguin: damn why do u guys wake up so early lmao 

mikeytomyheart: Well the doggo woke us up this morning so I figured, why not go to the park lol

ashton.wins: Am I the only one who's thinking about the fact that we're all basically living at each other's houses, now?

mikeytomyheart: Lmao true

calumthehoodlum: why don't we All just move in Together

luke_is_a_penguin: i would usually say that's a good but like...

luke_is_a_penguin: are you forgetting about the sex aspect of everything 

ashton.wins: THAT'S what you're concerned about? I'm fucking crying lol you're so cute.

mikeytomyheart: Idk it's a valid concern

calumthehoodlum: our Boyfriends are so Cute am i right or am I right @ ashton 

ashton.wins: I wholeheartedly agree.

luke_is_a_penguin: i second that n would like to add that my bf is a cute ass hoe (for my D only ofc ofc)

mikeytomyheart: ^ I second Luke's statement 

luke_is_a_penguin: ugh we love supportive boyfriends 

luke_is_a_penguin: but we don't love boyfriends that are late to a meeting THEY invited us 2!!!!

luke_is_a_penguin: soz but i don't want to spend my 6 month anniversary with ash WAITING for u guys when we could be doing other stuff

calumthehoodlum: O.o

ashton.wins: Guys, it's fine, really. Lukey, we already did...other stuff...this morning.

mikeytomyheart: o.O

calumthehoodlum: Ew u Guys better have not Fucked in my room

luke_is_a_penguin: why i would even WANT to go in ur gross ass room—i just threw up a lil in my mouth thinking abt going in ur musty ass room

calumthehoodlum: It's not Musty!!

mikeytomyheart: I like it

ashton.wins: That's because you guys are always having sex in there...

mikeytomyheart: Maybe

luke_is_a_penguin: i get the feeling that ur not driving over rn bc ur BOTH texting the gc smh

calumthehoodlum: ok ok We're getting in the Car rn lol we'll have Lunch & then u and Ash can go do ur dumb anniversary stuff 

luke_is_a_penguin: not sure i want u around w that attitude!

calumthehoodlum: geez Ok i'll Play nice

mikeytomyheart: This is the only time I like you playing nice ;)))

ashton.wins: EW STOP, WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT OUR BEST FRIENDS AND THEIR ROLEPLAY SEX!

luke_is_a_penguin: yes we do.

ashton.wins: Luke, what am I going to do with you...?

luke_is_a_penguin: show me later 2nite?

calumthehoodlum: EW STOP, WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT OUR BEST FRIENDS AND THEIR ROLEPLAY SEX!

ashton.wins: That was Luke's fault not mine!

luke_is_a_penguin: damn u guys take a long ass time to get to the car

mikeytomyheart: Ok we just got in the car and I'm going to be typing for Calum on my account too 

mikeytomyheart: He's literally making me read aloud every single message from the group chat so PLEASE dont blow up the gc thanks

luke_is_a_penguin: i think that

ashton.wins: we're going to 

luke_is_a_penguin: blow up

ashton.wins: this groupchat

luke_is_a_penguin: like a 

ashton.wins: motherfucker

luke_is_a_penguin: lol

luke_is_a_penguin: *aaaaaand scene*

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: Why does that look like you when you were ten?

luke_is_a_penguin: HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME WOW IM OVER THIS

ashton.wins: You're over...us? ;(

ashton.wins: We Broke Up On Our Six Month Anniversary *Not Clickbait*

luke_is_a_penguin: ofmsjskdjdk

luke_is_a_penguin: the only reason i'd ever break up w u is 4 views on yt 

ashton.wins: Luke!

luke_is_a_penguin: i mean...

luke_is_a_penguin: nah i said what i said

mikeytomyheart: I hate you guys thanks for spamming when I specifically asked you not to wow I have great friends

mikeytomyheart: I'm going to SCREAM

mikeytomyheart: Wait nvm Calum says the only time I should be screaming is when

mikeytomyheart: WAIT TMI

luke_is_a_penguin: continue dawg 

luke_is_a_penguin: (picture attached)

calumthehoodlum: DAWG IM LAUGHINF  
(picture attached)

luke_is_a_penguin: EYES ON THE ROAD

luke_is_a_penguin: MICHAEL GET UR BOYFRIEND UNDER CONTROL

ashton.wins: When did Calum suddenly become a young white girl with an obvious tan?

mikeytomyheart: Hmm idk

mikeytomyheart: I've been bamboozled omg Calum has really been this white girl all this time.. my whole life is a lie

mikeytomyheart: Also we're pulling up in the driveway right now

mikeytomyheart: So bye we'll see you right now

ashton.wins: Ok!

luke_is_a_penguin: k!

-

calumthehoodlum: so Lunch was fun

luke_is_a_penguin: still mad that ur bitch ass made us split the bill @ the pizza place smh n on my own damn anniVERSARY??? hoe 

ashton.wins: He's joking. Right?

mikeytomyheart: I

luke_is_a_penguin: yes i'm joking lol y'all really think i'm that petty over a BILL?? wow 

calumthehoodlum: idk ur not Exactly Known for being Nice/Unpetty

mikeytomyheart: UNPETTY

ashton.wins: King of inventing words.

calumthehoodlum: sHut Up Yall know wat i mean

luke_is_a_penguin: anyways

luke_is_a_penguin: it pains me 2 say wut i'm about 2 say next bc i never express affection to any of y'alls bitch ass (besides ash bc i love my baby uwu) but like

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u guys 

luke_is_a_penguin: thanks for being w us today

calumthehoodlum: I could tell how heartfelt that was

mikeytomyheart: Damn you sound like we're estranged family that came together for a funeral lmao but yw

calumthehoodlum: lol Yeah we Luv u Guys ^^also i sounded sarcastic and idk y lmao I was being completely serious 

mikeytomyheart: Happy 6 months!!!!!!!

calumthehoodlum: pls Stay together Forever and Ever uwu

mikeytomyheart: ^

mikeytomyheart: Lol we'll leave you guys alone now bye

calumthehoodlum: Bye Guys have fun! (Pls don't fuck in the House if we're There..)

\+ mikeytomyheart and calumthehoodlum have left the chat.

luke_is_a_penguin: oops

ashton.wins: Hi.

luke_is_a_penguin: happy 6 months :) <3 

ashton.wins: Happy six months. You're quite literally the best thing that's happened to me.

luke_is_a_penguin: aw babe same here 

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u to pieces

ashton.wins: (picture attached)

ashton.wins: Reese's Pieces!

luke_is_a_penguin: my fav uwu

ashton.wins: UWU

luke_is_a_penguin: UWU

ashton.wins: Maybe UWU will be our always...

luke_is_a_penguin: i love u hazel grace

ashton.wins: I love you, Augustus Waters.

luke_is_a_penguin: we're such an iconic couple lol but 

luke_is_a_penguin: aight enuf of the sappy shit

luke_is_a_penguin: jk gimme MORE of da sappy shit thnx ily

ashton.wins: Alright, let me switch to sappy Reddit user @ashitthatssappy, hold up for one second! 

ashton.wins: r/sappy shit

I love my boyfriend immensely but I'm not sure how to tell him in the most amazing way possible?

luke_is_a_penguin: r/sappyshit

[I love my boyfriend immensely but I'm not sure how to tell him in the most amazing way possible?]

use a pun cuteass;))

ashton.wins: r/sappyshit

[[I love my boyfriend immensely but I'm not sure how to tell him in the most amazing way possible?]

[use a pun cuteass;))]]

Sorry, but I'm taken by the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world.

ashton.wins: Hey, Lukey?

luke_is_a_penguin: yes daddy

ashton.wins: LUKE, WHO ARE YOU, CHER?

ashton.wins: CHILL, BABY!

luke_is_a_penguin: ok ok yea ash?

ashton.wins: Luke Robert Hemmings.

luke_is_a_penguin: Ashton Fletcher Irwin.

ashton.wins: I love you a latte!

luke_is_a_penguin: you're so fucking corny oh my god

luke_is_a_penguin: but i love you

luke_is_a_penguin: like a lot

luke_is_a_penguin: i love you so insanely that it should be illegal to love anyone this much and wow i'm tearing up over writing a fucking text but 

luke_is_a_penguin: i love you a latte.

ashton.wins: You're so beautiful. Kind-hearted. Nice. Loving. Caring. Adorable. Friendly. Amazing. Genuine. Free-spirited. Crazy. Wild. Patient. Sweet.

ashton.wins: I love you a latte.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> This is it, guys. The final chapter. We're done. It was pretty simple but cute and that's kind of the way I wanted it to be—with an open ending, leaving room for mistakes and et cetera in the future. I didn't want it to end with a cliffhanger, persay, but I also didn't want to leave it with a definitive ending such as them getting married or breaking up for good. The ending was left completely open to the reader's interpretation and it's up to you to decide what you see in their future!
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone who has been here with me since Day 1 or who has joined me along the journey. I appreciate every read, vote and comment; I wouldn't be where I am, at the end of this story, without you guys. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me through every thing. Don't worry though, I'll be sure to write more in the future. Unfortunately, I won't be creating a sequel for this but I really hoped you enjoyed the story and PLEASE (I cannot stress this enough) share your thoughts on this story with me! I'll appreciate any constructive criticism or even just random thoughts on the story. Thank you and goodbye to this story, for now. :) xx

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s the link to the story on Wattpad:  
> https://www.wattpad.com/story/154215977-i-love-you-a-latte


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